Moods

Mood's, boy they can come and go. I'am still early in soberity and Thank God everyday for a new day. But one thing I have learned from someone that is very wise, is that I can start my day over anytime. Night Day Afternoon, it doesn't matter. As a women I think we are moody anyway,lol.... But so is everyone. That is what makes our world so different and exciting. For the new comer just hang in there. Remember (they told me) The first three steps are sit down, shut up, and listen.  There is alot of wise people out there and people that really do care. AA people are special they are mostly very REAL people. Just go to FACE TO FACE meetings and your life will change, but moods are all part of it. Till Later Good day everyone, God Bless the still suffering acholics, and your all in my prayers. Love Gail

shortcomings

Well, it is another day of cold weather and wind. Can't wait for summer to get back around. I really miss sitting on the beach and reading. Well I have another day to be gratful for, I have my health, kids, and a piece of mind these days. Still missing home at times, but I guess this is what everyone needed is time. God will show me the right way. My husband and children are always in my prayers but now I also include myself ( not asking but thanking) . The hoildays are coming up and I'am just going to keep busy. Helping other people the way they all helped me. I have to put my feelings aside sometimes and just thank God for being alive and having this little bit of peace in my life now. I wake up every morning at 6am go outside and look up and thank God for anpther day, I try to go thur the day just doing the right thing. One thing to try is ( do something nice for three people in one day and don't tell anyone about it) not as easy as it might sound, but great for the mind. Well i'll right more later, if you happen to read some of my journals please leave a comment, I would love to here from you. God Bless and Love All. Gail  3/3

Understanding

Well it was a great day, finally I have found someone that understands me and knows where I'am coming from. I went to four meetings today man it was fun. The people that I'am with are so special and all have been where I'am at one time in there life. I still pray that someday my husband will understand this disease some, he really is missing out on the best of me. I'am at my best , the best I've been for a long time and only going to get better and stronger. I love life now and see it with both eyes open, head on. My eyes where blinded for so many years from drugs and a booze, that it was unfair to the people that loved me because even thou I loved them I was uncapable of showing it. Now my feeling and thoughts are healing, God is showing me a new blessing everyday. Someday I pray, my husband can understand and come to realize that this is a way of life for me now. I love him and really would like for him to be a part of my recovery but something I just had to do myself. This is a self help program and always have your hands out to help the next person like they did for me. My body and Mind is healing slowly, but strongly. In a way I thank God for the day I hit Rock Bottom, because if I never hit that low I  would be dead, my body was shutting down and my mind was tired without a fight no more. It has only been 42 days, and boy what a difference. It's almost like having those 5 senses back again. It is good to feel, Love share and have peace knowing that God is handleing my life now the way he chooses. Now if only he can give me good spelling. hahahaha, Well till later God Bless thank you another day. Keep my Children and Husband safe, and bless our families. Thank you Tom/Renee'   Love Gail

PAST

Well I just found a journal from 2002, boy maybe I shouldn't have read it. I was so messed up and really on the verge of who knows what. Even thou all the mess I still loved my husband, I really do miss my family and my Husband, I really never knew how much because I was all screwed up. I'am sober now 42 days, doesn't sound like alot but it is a great start, I still pray for God to direct me the right way. When I was a kid I always used to say If you love something set it free if it comes back it is yours, if not it never was. Well It is one of the hardest things to do, but with a clear mind now I have to handle the pain and heart ache head first. I do believe that God will do the right thing for all. I have to go to a meeting now I will write more later. Gail

Everything For A Reason

When you wake up in the morning at 3AM, why does that happen? Maybe it's God telling you wake up I have something for you to see or feel. I have a lesson for you to inplant in the thoughts of yours for the day to come. No one really knows for sure, but you can feel the peaceful power that surrounds you as you go back to bed to continue that nights sleep. I walk outside and the first thing I see is the beauty that we are all gifted with all around us, but alot of us never take notice, ( shame on them) they are really missing out. Life itself is a gift bad or good, somehow it works out in the long run. God has a plan for me and I believe there is a reason for where i'am at. Being early  soberity life is starting to have color everything isn't in Black and White anymore, or should I say most of the time. Well things arise everyday and if I let it get me down they will, But with the help of GOD i'am going to make it. I DON'T want to waste  the gift of life I was blessed with. Well I'll write more later, God bless. Gail

Co-dependency

Well, today is one of those rainey day's. I knew what kind of day it was going to be as soon as I woke up. I went to the counselor today and we talked. Co-dependency, when your mood is reflected by the way others see you, I never realized how powerful that is. I guess when your relationships are going good or just so busy you don't even think of it but when your mood gets down and you hang on every word that people give you, that is not healthy, the hardest thing in the world is letting go. I think that letting go of people that you really love is harder then letting go of a addiction. My addiction cost me everything that meant something to me. And now if I ever have any chance of regaining it I have to let go, it is easier to let the drink go sometimes before the family.  One of the hardest lessons to learn are to do it for yourself, and be graftful for what you do have and not the things that you don't have, I let it all go to God, he is the only one that is powerful enough to handle this. I will always love my Family and Husband, but at one point I guess they had to let go to, if they didn't I would have never woke up and realized what it is like to be Sober. It's only been 37 days but that is 37 more then I had before. I thank God everyday for my Children, Family, Higher Power (God), and my husband for sticking to his guns, I know realize what and how much love I lost and how much love I took for grantied. Until Later Gail ( going to a meeting) Hello Randi Love u.

Viewing the past

Well today was a good day after having one of the worst nights in a while last night. Boy I haven't cried that much in a while. Last weekend I went to a dance and people told me Gail your on that PINK cloud watch yourself! I said I feel so good nothing could break my bubble. Well they where right. I went into a emotional down fall ( but I never though of drinking ) I just was tired of being sick and tired. I lost my track for a little bit, not remembering what I do have instead of what I don't have. I have so much to be gratful for, great kids, good friends, and my life back. And all the thanks go to my Higher Power (god) or how you choose to see him. Tonight I went with a friend of mine to a place where I first walked in and fell apart, ( the Turnersville, NJ ) meeting, boy it felt good, people came up to me and said I know you don't I and I just said yes It's me Gail, they said Oh my God we didn't even know who you where at  first they said I looked so good, I had a Glow, I said thank you and that the difference was that I'am HONESTLY sober now. The last time these people saw me I was Death warmed over. It was so nice seeing those people again, it was worth the hour ride. I saw a young man there ( about 16-17 years old) tonight, it was his first meeting everyone Welcomed him and they gave him a 24 hour chip and told him 24 hours at a time. It brought a tear to me because I remember when they did that for me. This young Man sat next to me tonight, holding that chip so tight he was shaking, He is in my prayers tonight, I hope he does better with the 24 hour chip then I did. It told me 24 hours plus a YEAR to admit my life was totally out of control. gail

Hopeful November

Good day, I woke up took my coofee outside and said thank you God for giving me another day. ( And a beautiful one if that ) I went to my first AA dinner function last night. Did't know what to expect, Man it was fun. You talk about a room filled with Love and HAPPY people. We are special people, with a blessing from God or our HIgher Power as you see him. Everyone ate, and danced all night and it was done WITHOUT drinking, I had more fun like that then I ever did in my drinking career. For some reason you are not shy, and always smiling. I thank God for every day now, I remember when I would wake up on a Sunday around 3-4 PM and say ' What the Hell did I do last night"  and call around to see what kind of ass I made out of myself. Well this morning I woke up after a function feeling good and Remembering EVERYTHING including the people I meant and even leaving, the ride home, thats a switch I never ever remembered the ride home, thats when my brain would just shut off ( blackout) but by the grace of God I have a second chance on Life and it's better Late then never, and the best part it DOESN'T COST NOTHING just time, and that we all have when we choice to use it. Well I hope everyone is having a great day, and never forget to pray for the other people that are still suffering, and also each other, As they say Thank God in the AM Thank God in the PM and go to a meeting, it does work if you work it. God Bless and will write more later.    Thank you Tom,                                                                                      Gail