What Now!!!!!!

Looking back on 2011, man what a year. So many changes and hurtful sad times. I lost my Mom this past year and opened a whole new area of emotions that I really don't know how to deal with. Relationships should that even be in my future???????  I'm in a relationship now it started off with Joy Love and confusion but it is turning into just a repeat of my own doing.  I just may be alone???? I have no friends to hang with or even talk to these days, I don't know when the last time I was truly happy with all in my life. I can't explain others stuff but I know when it affects my emotions then what??? I don't know how I managed to stay sober for over eight years it's amazing, I just want to be happy,,,, on the same page with that special someone. I feel out of link.. I pray for other people maybe I should start praying for myself. Looking back into this journal that is over 8 years old "Man " when is life going to be happy again????


I feel sick, tired, and out of air!!!!!!  Please Please Please make 2012 the year for healing or growth that's all I pray for.

Until Later,,, Jersey Shore Girl.. Love yeah.

Aug, 22

Happy 70th BD Dad RIP..  Died when he was 44.... Drinker,smoker,sad to young.

Changes (Forever or Not)

I don't know what is going on with me. I have a flood feelings and emotions but don't know how to get a handle on them. Life is trying yes "BUT" why is it so hard? I feel for so many people but have a hard time feeling for myself. I try it is exhausting, I'll have plans wonderful fantasies of how I want my day to be, or end up and in my mind I try so hard to relax and let go that I'm exhausted. Memories of caring for my Mom haunts me at time and I think my way thur it. One of the blessing I have is I don't want to drink. I have worked alone, stayed alone, and  find myself just being so peaceful but lost at the same time. ( Does that make sense?) I pray for God to help me identify myself . I have Love, Trust,  Respect in my life I just want to be able to return those feelings, the way I dream of in my head. I'm I going crazy or is this just another process of loss?
Opinions Welcomed.....
Till Later with Love, Light & Joy, Jersey Shore Girl.....

2011 "The End of the Beginning"

It has been along time sense I written. So much has changed in my life. Amazing I'm still Sober but yes,,,,,,,,,,, I'm blessed to have stayed sober for 7 1/2 years now.

Today if I'm nothing else I'm grateful for each breath, sight and heart beat I get to feel and see.

In the course of this year, from my last post, I'm still in a relationship with a wonderful caring person. Last Summer my Mom was getting checked because she felt so worn down she was a RN retired but still worked traveling nurse and Loved it. End of last Summer she found out that she had Cancer that was located in the liver but it was a form of Bladder Cancer. She started her treatments and it worked great for three months. Then she went on another she just would hold her head up even when she felt like shit. I come from a family that my Two sisters that live next to Mom are teachers, They went back to school and Mom got sicker. I blocked off Mondays for work because that was my Moms Chemo days.... Then Mondays became Mon, Wed, Fri... then hospital then so on. I became my Moms care taker.... She trusted me for strength,  Honesty, She  was amazing..........  she was only 67 . My Mom is a big part of my recovery.. Moms never give up.  It was a Very bad winter and I didn't work with my business we lost allot but gained at the same time. I had my car repoed, bills backed up to the extreme but Bruce sold his personal stuff and we did what we had to do. I couldn't have done it alone.  My son, daughter in law  and granddaughter still live at her grandmothers God bless her.  Losing my last parent has such a weird feeling like "orphaned" fear. Today is 30 days my Mom has been passed, She passed away March 26th. She found out on March 17th there was nothing else to do. I asked her, Do you want to go Home? She said yes, the next day the room was ready, hospice "they are a savior" my Mom died 8 days later,, first three days home she was still communicating, and then just settling. The 12 hours before she died the nurse and I where cleaning My Mom up and thank God for the Hospital experience I have from working at SMH I was able to help. When we turned my Mom her eyes where as yellow as a egg,,,, When she passed she opened her eyes and smiled. Her eyes where as clear as clear could be. Thats God!!!!!!   I miss her so much.. If I had to do it all over again . I would be honored. I lost but gained so much more. God please give my Mom a kiss for me, TU


Till later, gailwindsnj1 the jersey shore girl

The days without the Wine and Roses.

It is so amazing how things seem to come in a total learning cycle. People always told me, God knows what is right for you and when it is to be presented. My life has really come along way. Made major changes. And I've never been happier in my life. It took allot of pain and learning, time and patience's which is hard for any of us.
The days today WITHOUT the wine and roses mean so much more then they did almost seven years ago. I thought love was something that only other people had. Trust was something that was a figment of my imagination.
Today Trust, Love, and true kinship is the working power of time. So many times I wanted to give up hope, just check in the days and get the roses the wrong way. Today I thank God for introducing me to me. For saving my life to have a better and healthier one. To see the beauty in Gods wonders all around me. Thank God for my soberity and the feeling I get heart and soul, for each day today.
Today if I'm nothing else I'm grateful for each breath, sight and heart beat I get to feel and see.
Until later with Love. The Jersey Shore Girl. God Bless
Gail