The meaning of Family

I was going Thur some pictures trying to put a album together. It dawned on me that Love is very important in Family but there is so much more. My kids are growing up so fast they are all almost of age now. I realized that I can Love all I want but what makes a strong relationship is Honesty, Time, and to listen just like when I got sober I had to listen. By listening I've learned so much about the different personalities my children possess. When I was drinking and a wife and mother of three I listened most to those little voices in my head that told me { get the kids together, Feed them, Make sure you vacuumed so the house looks good, cook something and at the end of the day when everything was done look for a excuse and go drinking just to wake up feeling like shit with a short temper and just going Thur the motions.} What a dead life I had for me and my family that was totally innocent. What a powerful disease.
I was talking to my youngest son before and telling him I went to the doctors today and she said my Blood pressure was great and everything looks good and he asked: Didn't you always have a uncontrolled problem with your blood pressure and I told him yes I did because I was drinking and The night before I went to the doctor back then I would try not to drink  and then double up on my meds to get Thur the visit without a trip to the hospital. {EVEN DOING THAT i WAS ALWAYS AT STROKE LEVEL}  but not today.  The power of time is amazing and the little voices still once in a while talk to me and ask me " why not just one?" but I know today it is the evil trying to get me back to that dead shell of a person WAS. Today when listening to people or the kids I can tell if something is wrong, I can hear pain, happiness,joy,& excitement Thats something That drinking took away from me at the age of 44  I'm really learning  what life is all about and boy I never thought i would make it Thur my California days and the 20's drinking & in my 30's being insane but you know I did and people listened to me and told me Gail we will love you till you love yourself and you know what they did and I now tell people the same thing. Watching the transformation in people lost souls coming alive again is a gift . A gift from God and the program of AA . Think Think Think also comes with Listen Listen Listen.. Never give up hope !!!!!!  Love you all Gail ( the jersey shore girl)..

Two of the deadly evil's

Well tonite at the meeting they asked for topics" I brought up self-esteem & pride. Two of my evils. I have had a rough couple of weeks just with a combo of stuff and my pride tell me " Gail just do everything yourself" well thinking about that reminded me when I went on False self-esteem that alcohol gave me  " that I was greater then  anything" when really I was as sick as they came with alcohol. My pride told me it was ok to be sick because to me the abnormal became normal . Well I pray everyday thous days are gone, and so far so good. I have to make sure I make the meetings because I can get caught up in life and with the constance changes which are normal to life sometimes to a alcoholic changes is all it takes to set your head spinning in all direction. Like I always remind myself " the question" " Is it resentments in life I ponder or is it re sensing the past that  bothers me?  Reflections on the past can haunt me, I'm trying to make amends . But sometimes I just don't know how to start. So the start I'm going to continue is staying SOBER and the rest will follow. I loved seeing my Son Karl today I'm so proud of him, that kid really holds himself up he always did. But we all weaken sometimes and thats OK sometimes a weakness has made me MUCH stronger in my path of life and the most pain stake times have allowed me to lower my pride and ask for Help when I most need it Thank you  God..  So for me Pride is good & important but it can also be MY silence killer. Till next time God bless goodnite, Love Gail (jersey shore girl) :>

They Grow Fast

Boy the kids grow fast. I can across this picture and boy if I could turn back time. I love my kids with all my soul. I'm so proud of them. My youngest son Karl is really growing up ro be a special man. I looked at him today and thought what a great father & husband he is going to be someday. I saw a look in his face today, I felt his thoughts spinning around in his head That look when someone asks you " What are you thinking about?" and you say nothing. In a way I almost wanted him to get some of the anger out about the past. I know he has to feel hurt and anger but he is such a Good kid he just doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. God blessed me and now I ask God to bless them, My kids are the best gift to me next to my soberity.. Thank you for the second chance. Love gail the jersey shore girl...

Today's Thought:
           

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't
supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and
it's harder every time.You'll break hearts too, so remember how
it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best
friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast,
and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've
never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
-Dirissy

Life is seasonal constance change>

Well another twist in the always changing life. Alot has been going on. One good thing is my kids and I are really coming together. The wedding is off...  Rob said he has to go find himself. Well everything happens for a reason. I wonder was I really looking forward to the wedding or was I just fantasizing about the experience. I realized nothing is worth coming between my kids. I have three kids that need and want me in all three different ways at different times, As a women I can mutitask which in my belief Men cannot.  It just worn me down when I had someone dictating to me on how to handle my children when they haven't been around theres in 11 years. I love Rob but I don't think I'm ready for marriage yet either. One thing about MY recovery is that I am the GREATEST    LIAR   TO SELF. The feelings I had two years ago where nice but alot weaker then the control and feelings I have today. the only way I can explain it is that I have changed grown up and realized that Time is mandatory as much as I wanted to do everything overnite it was just another mind fart. My middle son needs different care then the rest. My daughter is a great kid and has her stuff together my youngest son is smart and handles things in a adult manner and then you have Anthony he is in recovery and he is ME. scary when you see yourself in your kids, There is times I do tell him call me when you get a real problem he is 19 years old and calls me when his girlfriend won't get up out of bed lol/  I tell him and he has to learn on his own that he has a life and so does the million of other people around him. As much as he gets my goat I'm always there when he really needs me and ALWAYS WILL BE.  Loniness  is scary but being crazy and stressed out is worse. As a women I can go run to find myself, i have animals and a house which now my land lord is selling and I have to move April 1st. Thats ok I can't worry about it  just keep moving ahead.  I have to try to get back some of this money I  put out for the wedding etc.. Sometimes I can't help feeling used but then I have to remember I allowed this, I am Responsible  for my actions today and the lesson was to THINK THINK THINK now I know what they mean  : Think things thur with you head not always your emotions.   I have allot ahead of me my Ex-husband has cancer he is only 42 and the kids are holding strong. I pray everyday that something comes up to fix him because he really is a good man. But one good note I DON'T DRINK TODAY and I can handle ANYTHING that is to come my way.. Like it or Not . I have to remember I'm not in control of this life plan God is and he does things for a purpose . Most times I don't understand the purpose till after the fact but there ALWAYS IS A PURPOSE. I'm a women, Strong, Tender,Bitchy at times, Multitasking person the only thing different with me compared to some women is that I'M SOBER.. Love you all Have a wonderful day.. Love gail ( the jersey shore girl )..

Time can heal!!!!

Hello everyone I'm here to tell you Time can Heal

T=This

I=I

m=Must

E=earn          !!!!!!!!

I had a nice day with my youngest son, Boy he is growing into such a great young Man.. I'm so proud.  I was brought back to memories of when all I would talk about was my ex-husband boy now that I think about that what hurt it must of brought to my kids. At the time I was totally heart broken and thought life could never go on but Time heals Life did go on. I still get sad and think of the way it was when my family and I where together and the softball days and school trips etc.. But I look at my kids now and they are growing growing up. They make decisions now for themselves and come forward with problems of there own today instead of all ours. Everyone survived. I look back what I would have done different One thing for sure I would been there when my kids went to bed I would have made sure dinner time was special,, and all that stuff . The only way I could have done those things where to put the drink down and it took over my life. I'm so grateful today that I don't need that drink and I'm not embarrassed to say so . Say That Drinking for me is out of the question,,  and I'm forward to let people know what happened to me and it is a disease that is totally controlling. I look back at this journal from when I first started it and tell you the truth I see life come alive. Even thou I put the drink down over three years ago three years ago I just wanted to die. I lost everything that ever mattered to me. I loved my family so much but one drink and I'm rude, hurtful,mean & un sensible and by true nature I'm totally opposite.  Time heals not only other people that where hurt by my addiction but It changed me into the caring woman that I am today. Thank you everyone for loving me when I was unsolvable & unreliable & Unfit to love..  Thank you God!!

Your's Truly   "The jersey shore girl-"   Gail