ONE YEAR TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I made it, One year sober today. Thanking God every STEP.  It is great last year my kids where not really in my life. I was someone that they only seen in there nightmares. Just the Despair in my life and the Total Physical breakdown of a human being. And now my 15 year old son stayed up till 12am. to be the first one to say Happy 1st. Year. I'm so happy I speak tonight in Wildwood and it's going to be so powerful. My husaband and Two of my children this will be the first meeting they ever went to. My middle son he is 17 he goes with me all the time. My life has changed so much in so little time. I found myself getting feared up today though, because no one has ever heard my story and now it's going to be a first for alot of people. I speak in the rehabs alot and do alot of service but this is different, this is personal. That One Day At A Time turned into a year, that is really something else. Tomarro this journal will start with the process of another day another year, My experiences, Strengths and Hopes. I thank God and the people that where put in my path, they are great (uncondtional LOVE) thats the only word for them all. I seen a girl tonight that looked just like me ayear ago she is very sick, scared, and boney, can't eat or sleep, she is beautiful and shakey but if she doesn't get it shes going to die..... It is written all over her face. I saw her standing out front of the meeting tonight I told her to come with me into the meeting and tell us her pain, she did (God working) and she got numbers and help after the meeting. Boy those Meeting before and after the meeting are the best ones. I chaired the meeting tonight by surprize and It was such a great meeting, the energy, love, and hope just flowed. To anyone out there that thinks they can't do it, YES YOU CAN because if I did it man anyone can do it, but it is work work work and pain and emotional healing with GOD and AA, and the people in the rooms the power is so great IF YOU REALLY WANT IT. Thank you all for reading and have a great sleep, your all in my prayers Love Yeah Gail

              I fling my past behind me like a robe
              worn threadbare in the seams, and out of date.
              I have outgrown it.
                                                        Ella Wheller Wilcox


A thought:  When you do this, You can never look
back, but you won't want to Anyway.

Everyday Life

Something to Ponder:  The best thing you can do for yourself
is to get over the thought that failure is a stop sign.  Failure should
be part of every day experience.  The more you can't comfortable
with it, the more successful you will become.  We all need to accept
that failure is part of learning and growing.  I know when I was in
my early teens to late twenties I feared failure.  The
most freeing feeling in my forties is accepting it as part of every
day life. 

One can never change the past,
just the hold it has on you.

A thought: 

  Think about courageous choices for a minute.
Remember, one day, all your small but indelible
moments of private courage will burst through.
And both you and your world will have changed
in an  authentic moment.

LIST TO LIVE BY:::::

The most destructive habit..........................................Worry

The greatest Joy.........................................................Giving

The greatest loss........................................................Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work............................................ Helping others

The ugliest personality trait........................................  Selfishness

The most endangered species....................................  Dedicated leaders

Our greatest natural resource.....................................  Our youth

The greatest "shot in the arm"....................................  Encouragement

The greatest problem to overcome.............................   Fear

The most effective sleeping pill..................................   Peace of mind

The most crippling failure disease.............................    Excuses

The most powerful force in life...................................   Love

The most dangerous pariah.......................................  A gossiper

The world's most incredible computer.......................    The brain

The worst thing to be without.... ...............................   Hope

The deadliest weapon...............................................  The tongue

The two most power-filled words...............................   "I Can"

The greatest asset....................................................  Faith

The most worthless emotion......................................  Self-pity

The most beautiful attire............................................  SMILE!

The most prized possession....................................... Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication..........      Prayer

The most contagious spirit.........................................  Enthusiasm

Everyone needs this list to live by...pass it along!!!

For only today!!!!!!!!

For only today, and what a great day it was. I just had a great day. I had a 10 hour job, ( I'm a professional cleaner ) I'm the person they call to put the houses back in shape after the touriest season comes to a end. It's pretty tough job at times but i love it. ( It's soooooo rewarding to see the finished product ). I had bowling tonight, that is something that I'v been wanting to do for years, join a team and Boy it is fun. Well Friday is coming up fast and I have to speak in WildWood for my 1 year ann. it's exciting. It just seems like yesterday I was coming in the rooms. But I don't  want to go though this first year again. So I just be training myself to stay in the day. Sometimes that is hard always projecting ( what a defect 0 hahah. ) But life it's self is hard at times. And you are all right I'am never alone. I have God and people just like myself. I told myself today ( Gail your just going to take a day and be happy ALL day ) and when stuff came into my head I just said PASS and I also reminded myself that days like this, ( THIS TO SHALL PASS ). My bad days are bad but they are coming fewer and fewer, acceptance is the key. I'm a hard headed person and very impatience so I had and still do have alot to learn, but for now I will take Gods blessing of a good day. It is so exciting that my kids are excited about this Friday coming up, Boy what a switch this time last year a matter of fact 9-28-03  I hit my bottom and had a Total Break Down The last person my kids wanted to see was ME the where scared, I was really sick, they told me my Daughter that is going to be 21 sat with me in the Hospital for two nights and I don't even re,ember it. Now boy that is the power of the drink. I pick the first of the month to be my anniversy because thats when I woke up and realized that I was in a hospital and I finally lost my mind. Thank God for God and AA because I'am 100% better today I still have 400% percent to go " BUT FOR TODAY " I thank God and my Children for being the most important things in my life today right next to my soberty, Without God and loving people around me I would be nothing I would most likely be dead. Thank God I'm here and now My kids and I have another Holiday that we celebrate ( ONE DAY AT A TIME ) love to all I have to try to get some sleep. Bye for now and your all in my prayers. Not only for today but always.   Love Yeah Gail.

>"Fate determines who walks into your life. You decide who you let walk out, who you let stay,and who you refuse to let go.""

Mirror Mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall who's eyes are I seeing that go to my soul?

I looked in the Mirror today and asked myself WHO ARE YOU?  A year ago at this time I really didn't care to look at that empty person with that lost soul. I can look at myself today. That is something to be grateful for. I don't see that monster that drinking had caused, that person that hurt everyone who was infected by me. I had no soul what a lost feeling when you realize that. " I WAS VERY SICK " I look in the mirror now and see a person that cares about other people and I'm able to reach out and help. I see a Mother, Daughter, Sister, Aunt, even a Wife and thats all the things that I didn't have a year ago. They where always right in front of me but so was that First Drink and that just took over and ruled my every being. I see Love now and I'm able to love. I here truth now and I'm able to tell the truth. I trust now and I'm able to be trusted these are all the things that i have and never seen because drinking told me they where not important or real. I spent time with my Daughter today and I'm so thankful she had the Father she had because she really is in the right direction, and I even Thanked God that she experienced what she did with me because she doesn't Drink or use Drugs. She has better plans with her life and she had Life one on One at home growing up. She learned By my Pain and Healing. ( The whole process ) is really amazing. When i think about this time last year and all the things I prayed for I'm gratful I didn't get everything. I would have never been ready for a relationship of any kind back then even with my children. But now I have a relationship with my kids and I'm able to be sober. Karl Sr. ( my husband ) well today is his Birthday and at first I was so upset because I really wanted to spend it with him, after thinking about it I'm gratful that he is just having one and I pray a happy one if that. All he's been though. I'm so happy that i never did anything in a Black Out physically that would have hurt him or my children. Life begins at 40 in my case 41 because thats when I got Sober. I went to two meetings tonite and heard just what I needed to here. LOVE PAIN HAPPINESS and DESPIRE Thank God that today I can reach out and help other people, Thank God I can eaze someone elses Pain. By doing that I help my OWN. God Bless everyone that never gave up on me, and Thank You for the Most important being and That is God. I could have NEVER done this by myself.  Just One Day At A Time- and pray pray pray, never give up HOPE & FAITH. Gail

The End of The Beginning

Well in five more days I will have a Year Sober. I began with surrender and finishing with fight. So far this year I have learned that I'm powerless over every sitution and the things that I wanted the most aren't the things that I'm meant to have. ( I still struggle with that notion somedays). I now have a fight in me to move and improve, to live a happy and free life Sober. In a years time I have gained the respect back from my Children and Family, Some still don't see it clearly but they are coming around in there own time. My Husband still has alot of issues and anger I pray for him everyday, This was not his fault. alcohol has a power of it's own and it claims Lives sometimes all the way to the END. I always loved my Husband, Children, and Family but I'm a alcoholic and my blood runs riot with 90 Proof. I really didn't have a choice when I was under my addiction because the Drink made all the decisions for me. It even told me I didn't deserve a life at all and then meantally took it from me. The only reason I'm still alive is God has a plan for me and I loved my Family. My three Children and Husband where always in my head at the same time the voice of drinking was telling me to end it all, stop the pain kill myself. They are the only reasons I didn't, even thou alcohol took away all my resonable thinking and physical, mental, and spirturial being Deep in side I had a strong love that will always be uncondional. Being Sober is one of the best gifts I ever recieved just to know what REAL love, pain, emotions and thoughts are, life has a whole different color to it. I would go to bed at night and my prayer where" God please take me when I'm sleeping I can't take the pain anymore" now I thank God I can feel Pain and True emotions and give praise and Thanks for another day. I ask God for his Will everyday for Myself and all other people. To make me the best person I can be. And to use me to help other people and bring Happiness, Safety, and Love into everything I do. I can look in the mirrow now and see a person, A beautiful person with Dreams Hope and Faith that is something I couldn't do or would even think to do a year ago. I was a havic on peoples lives and just brought hurt and shame and thats something I don't have to do today because I have a God, Program, and a better way of living instilled in me. I still have my days of the ups and downs and I still have my times of crying but only when things come up That Hurt or don't remember, " My Ghosts" but then I deal with them. I talk about it and get it out honestly instead of just filing it under it never happened and just forgetting about it. A drink for me today is to DIE, I will always be one drink away from my grave and thats not a place I want to go to now, I have a life ahead of me and I thank God and a program that I have today and hope to have forever in my life until the day God takes me home . This journal will be ended on Oct. 1st. A new journal will be started: From surrender to fight ( for life ) what a change.   Love Gail