I'm sitting here quite. Allot has changed in the past month or so, It feels like it was overnite. Well my son moved out oh yeah he moved back in about a month and a half ago. Again I wanted to try to give him a fresh start all he had to do is get a job. Well summer time at the shore and he is 20 years old and in 4 weeks NO job, He started back in the habit of the girlfriend spending the night every night ( she is a nice girl ) and sleeping till whenever in the day and with all the other stresses which my relationship falling apart and everything else I just couldn't take it anymore. I told my son he had to leave. He is now staying with my Ex-husband ( Thank God he stepped up to the plate) Anthony isn't even his real son but he is the only father Anthony has ever had. Well Anthony is gone now and he has a big chip on his shoulder, The last words he said to me where Go F--- yourself, Nice uh. It hurts to have one of your kids talk to you like that. Rob & I are taking a break and he moved the day after. He has a office at the shore twice a week so he is here now sleeping I'm having a hard time forgiving & forgetting ( I can't) I need lots of time. I canceled the wedding ( wow allot has changed in the past months ). I really don't know how I feel Just numb & angry. Time alone will be good I don't even know myself anymore. Maybe I never really did know myself I guess it's time to find out.
I didn't drink thats a miracle I started stepping up the meetings and I do have some great friends.
My daughter and I are where talking about relationships and she mentioned that her friend got into a relationship and forgot everybody around her. Totally consumed with the guy she is with. You know I realized then I did that. I stopped going places with my friend and I was never available even to chat on the phone in general conversation. I lost touch.So what I'm doing now is reconnecting my life. I'll be 45 on Monday the 11th and I guess it is mid age depression or whatever but all I think about sometimes is how my life is half over. Someone told me time to start live and i looked at them like they where crazy. I have to redirect my thinking, I just don't know how to do it. And my sponsor is a great help I love her but she has her own stuff going on right now, She ownes a business and is busy busy busy this time of year at the shore you make it or have a very long winter. I just wanted to write, I've been praying to God to help me pray because I was evn mad at him. I have enough time now to know this will pass but my thought pattern isn't complete without the fellowship sometimes ( For example times like this ). Well thanks for letting me share my small problems compared to some my life is just rocky right now but it can be allot worse if I drink and give up.. Love you all Gail
