Well the end of
the summer in coming to a slow for me: now it is time to just walk and
sit on the beach at PEACE, I love to go to the beach I use this therapy
when I hear a wave come in I attach something that is nagging me and I
let the wave take it out, What a great way to get rid of stuff. When i
first got sober sitting at the beach for hours and talking to God
(begging) more like it really did alot for me, nut now I don't begg no
more just talk and ask. I don't wish I do. I don't walk with my head
down it is up. I still have lots of days where I just want to crawl
into a cave and hide but someone always finds me, hahaha. I'm still
finding ways to get peace at times. I guess I'm right where I'm suppost
to be, but boy I'm so impatient but thats just my hyper makeup. I spent
the other day on the water most of the day boy it was great just
listening to the sound of nothing,, wind, birds,waves what
a great peace of mind then I had to land back on shore people, traffic,
busyness lol... life what a peace of work. The thought of winter coming
is so depressing but with the tanning salon summer going to be all year
long for me haha,,, Everything seems to have it stages like
life one life two and etc.... what a ride. I always
said let the best day of my old life be the worst one in my new. I have
started a new life 43 years old and new, Thank god....
everyday... I watch my daughter 21 years old and she really
has her shit together, I've learned so much from her and she doesn'y
even know it, what a ride. When I was 21 I was already drinking and
partying for 7 years I was far from having it together, I'm so proud of
her. I'm coming up on Two years sober Oct. 1 it is hard to believe, I
have to get my butt out and make more meetings. I used to go to a
meeting sometimes two, three a day now its all work .. But if I don't
go to the meetings I get nasty, angery, and lost in my head sometimes
and forget how good I feel when I do go. So meetings are on my asap
list. Life is so tiring at times I don't know how I did it when
all three of my kids where still living home when they where babies God
had to be working real hard in my life then and now because I cannot
imagine having little ones running around now. My addiction
sucked the life out of me and God is giving it back peice by piece just
now if he could give me spell check for my journal
hahaha,,,, Everything is happening for a reason and I
have to remind myself that. God only gives me what I can handle ( he
must thing I'm super women sometimes) I handle, juggel, and keep
trucking on. Being sober today and working with others and having a
GREAT GOD in my life I can move mountains today: Just today
(ONE DAY AT A TIME ) so advice to all keep moving and walk proud
because you are someone and someone out there wants what you have. They
just have to put the hand out and we will reach out and Love them until
they can LOVE themselves!
Well until next time God bless and keep it simple.
LOVE YEAH ALL Gail
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Tuesday, September 6, 2005
I'm Back need to start writing Part Two
Well it's been awhile sense I have written, I really need to get back into it.
I'll be coming up on Two years sober soon Oct. 1st what a road to travel.
Newly paved but bumpy at times.
Alot has changed in my life sense i started this, I feel like I've had so may life times. I work in a ICU unit at a hospital and the job is really rewarding being able to help people but at 43 I still don't know exactly what I want.
I'm living with someone now and it has its moments just dealing with another person at times but I love him he is a great man. My son has come Far in the past 4 months or so he really had to test the waters and I had to stick to TOUGH LOVE which is heart beating when you love someone that much. My children I love more then life I look at them and think they grew in me and they are a part of my being, but all three being sooooooooo different. My husband Well I'm still in a middle of a divorice its like I married a stranger.I still go to meeting but have to step it up some, I'm slowing down for the summer when it comes to work and I get VERY nervous worried and stressed about money but I have to remember the God will provided in those times of need not want. The lessoms that I'm learning about life keep flooding in still everyday but I started froma DEAD shell of a person, Homeless, Penniless, and very sick ( dealth knocked on my door but Faith was there) Thank God I thank he every moment of the day. The first year of soberity was such a different type of pain and mentally tiring, the second year is like a bad dream some times just days floating into eachother. I explain my feeeling at times and people look at me like I'm a nut but ALOT of people know just what I'm talking about.People tell me I'm beautiful all the time but I still see that plane simply sick person in the mirrow most of the time, I'm just tired need a break and some new conversation. I work so hard but just manage to keep my head above water, I have to stop letting the material type people get under my skin. My kids are getting older and that is a depression all in itself but reality sometimes thats the hardest to face (reality). Still to this day I don't know what day or year I walked out on my family but I know today I have the love from my Daughter which is God sent in my eyes and my Sons. I don't see my youngest son that much anymore but the material world has tempority ate him up, ( I miss him) my baby . I have so much in my head latley most of it is unexplainable at this point to even put down on paper still working though it. Well I work grave shift and have to get ready until next time, May the best day of your PAST be the worst day of your FUTURE..
Signed Gail ( From the Jersey Shore )
I'll be coming up on Two years sober soon Oct. 1st what a road to travel.
Newly paved but bumpy at times.
Alot has changed in my life sense i started this, I feel like I've had so may life times. I work in a ICU unit at a hospital and the job is really rewarding being able to help people but at 43 I still don't know exactly what I want.
I'm living with someone now and it has its moments just dealing with another person at times but I love him he is a great man. My son has come Far in the past 4 months or so he really had to test the waters and I had to stick to TOUGH LOVE which is heart beating when you love someone that much. My children I love more then life I look at them and think they grew in me and they are a part of my being, but all three being sooooooooo different. My husband Well I'm still in a middle of a divorice its like I married a stranger.I still go to meeting but have to step it up some, I'm slowing down for the summer when it comes to work and I get VERY nervous worried and stressed about money but I have to remember the God will provided in those times of need not want. The lessoms that I'm learning about life keep flooding in still everyday but I started froma DEAD shell of a person, Homeless, Penniless, and very sick ( dealth knocked on my door but Faith was there) Thank God I thank he every moment of the day. The first year of soberity was such a different type of pain and mentally tiring, the second year is like a bad dream some times just days floating into eachother. I explain my feeeling at times and people look at me like I'm a nut but ALOT of people know just what I'm talking about.People tell me I'm beautiful all the time but I still see that plane simply sick person in the mirrow most of the time, I'm just tired need a break and some new conversation. I work so hard but just manage to keep my head above water, I have to stop letting the material type people get under my skin. My kids are getting older and that is a depression all in itself but reality sometimes thats the hardest to face (reality). Still to this day I don't know what day or year I walked out on my family but I know today I have the love from my Daughter which is God sent in my eyes and my Sons. I don't see my youngest son that much anymore but the material world has tempority ate him up, ( I miss him) my baby . I have so much in my head latley most of it is unexplainable at this point to even put down on paper still working though it. Well I work grave shift and have to get ready until next time, May the best day of your PAST be the worst day of your FUTURE..
Signed Gail ( From the Jersey Shore )
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)