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Thursday, February 25, 2010

The eye

When I came in the program I was Bankrupted, Literary. Mentally, Physically, just dead. But in the years of being here God placed wonderful people in my life. For me today it's not about drinking or even fantasizing the attention and fake love of so called friends. I have true friends and that is a gift. After a while when the drink doesn't seem to be the problem, well then for me it's growing pains. Pains that go all the way to THE EYE of my core. 
Things that I have repressed for years, even life times it feels like. I understand now a little more on why I react the way I do. My emotions have been so crazy,,,  Hurt, Love, Wonder, etc.  Even thou I haven't drank in some time I still remember that gut wreaking pain of waking up the next day and saying WHY. I know why now God loves me, I may spend allot time alone right now, but I pray allot alone all day. I know what Love feels like and it is missed. God has a plan, I tell myself that everyday and I will until I totally believe it. In my heart I believe. Fear, sorrow, loss will equal light and love in the long run. The growing pains never stop, If you have One day or many years. All really have is the Here and NOW! 

With Love Gail jersey shore girl.


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Prayer Helps.



I had a experience the other night for God to take that gut wrenching pain away. The feeling of loss, grieving and all that goes with heart ache. I prayed :

Please God take this pain from me.
Help me to continue to become a whole women again.
Let me not forget the Deep Love I felt.
For it is God that allowed me to share this world with all. And it is for his gifts that I see in sobriety, I'm still here on his journey! Love endures sacrifice for me... But you never know what God has in my future. Thank God it's not about the drink today that gets into my head !!!!!! Unconditional Love my animals have for me is something humans should really practice daily to make this a better world all around.

Waiting for the Thaw /// Gail jersey shore girl

Friday, February 12, 2010

Mind Wind

Over Six years ago I stood helpless. (In Body & Mind ). I thank God everyday for MY second chance. Within this time Learning to connect with people again has been a journey for me. I'm so grateful to the program of AA for the people that have came in my life ,made a difference and continued on there own journey and SOME# just became apart of my New Life! The one thing I would here allot "Was after the first five years you reach a point where it's not about the Drink anymore". It's about how to overcome the fears,pains & The wind like thoughts that go Thur your head. The fear "CAN I " and then you tell yourself "You know you can". I have found a amazing source,canal, whatever it maybe, it is a way for me to try to calm those winds that blow Thur they really hurt sometime. In Sobriety I have learned now what it is like to have a core, the same core I would cover up with drinking or whatever. To cover the pain of Love Hurt Pressure Kids Etc.............................. especially after 8-9 Pm. when I drank those nights off from work would drive me crazy " Until I had a couple @ home and went out. Now I'm at a place where 9pm. I would love to just watch a show, Read, share a moment, touch. The winds that blow thur now are of Peace Love & Joy. The winds do have there own current "God and the universe in large" I have to depend on that source Just for today, just for the passing Mind Winds...

With all Light,Love God Bless The jersey shore girl-- Galewinds lol

Mind Wind

Mind Wind