Well Oct. 1st made 5 years of sobriety for me. This is one anniversary I won't forget. i've been in a relationship for almost 4 years with the man of my dreams but with time everything changed. We have made it thur hard times before but it always comes down to the choice my son or the relationship. Me being beat down by the words from my partner I'm not respectful in following the rules of the man of the house. My option is wrong and theres are right, I have no voice. I always thought the Man of the house worked came home relaxed and feed comfort and stability in the household. I the woman took care of the house, worked, payed bills and keep food and everything running smooth. I don't know if I'm right or wrong? My partner became a raging person, verbal abuse, and very unpredictable. I'm a honest and loyal person and I trust I've lost that in him. I wish I could find it again. ( My sponsor tells me wish doesn't belong in my vocabulary). I'm sad and confused about the future. I live at the shore and work hard to stay here, I'm self employed and have to keep up on where money is coming from next. I was working toward our future but Rob just upped and moved to PA to follow his career, he had a great job here. he is chasing the money and just went. He blamed it on my son which is living with me and is clean and sober for 5 months now. He is looking into a program for mental health and going to consoling a couple times a week until he can go. My mom didn't give up on me and I can't give up on my son. I understand the rules have to be set but walking around my house on egg shells is not a way to live. I'm grieving but in the same sense I welcome not walking on egg shells. I been going to meetings everyday. One amazing thing is Not once did I want to Drink that is a miracle.. I know this too shall pass but getting thur it can be hard and frightening. I ask for pray please , .
They say when one door shuts another will open with Gods help I do believe in that BUT still very frightened . I pray someday I will look back at this and say WOW I made it thur it. But for now I have to take it One Day At A Time and pray pray pray..
Thank you for letting me vent I miss journaling and I have to start committing myself to it again.
I love yeahs.. God Bless
Till next time South Jersey Shore Area. Gail
2 comments:
part 2
If this guy truly loves you he will except you and your son. Never ever should a man make a woman chose between him and her child rather the child is considered an adult or not. He still needs your love and experience with life..... till he's strong on his feet.
Never ever let a man control you. You are your own person and must stand tall in the face of life. You've accomplished one of the hardest things on this earth, and addiction that was out of control. But with your inner strength and Gods love for you, you were able to overcome and become the remarkable lady you are today. Don't let a man destroy what you've built up in yourself. A higher esteem than what you used to have. Keep it and don't throw it away on any selfish guy.
Okay I've ranted long enough...ha.ha I hope I haven't stepped out of bounds here, but it just irked me when I read your post. No one should be asked to make a choice between a mother and her child or her man. Man, yeah right, more a mouse. Sorry but I have this awful impression of this guy. Very selfish and into himself and to heck with others feelings.
You keep up the good work on your sobriety and my very best to your son and his continued road back to the living.
Part 1
Congrats on your 5 years of staying sober. That is quite an accomplishment and you deserve a high 5 or a pat on the back. So please give yourself a cyber hug from me....(((((HUG)))))))))))))
Did you know that AOL is taking down all the journals here? Guess we'll have to go to another web site to add our journals to. Let me know your new addy when and if you decide to continue on with your journal. I have another journal at Xanga..... http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=mary58 but I'll miss this one. I usually post the same things at both journals. I wonder why AOL is closing down the hometown journal site.
As for that guy that wanted you to chose between him and your son....well your much better off without him. To me it shows his true character which isn't saying much, when he pits son and mother against each other as he is trying to do, in having you choose. Your son needs you and your strength to continue his recovery. There will be a day when your son can stand on his own and will let you know this. But being his mother you need to devote just a while longer to his well being. He will love you for it in the long run. I just wish I had my son here to devote my love to. Please love your son for as long as you can.
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