His time not mine

I've been going thur some stuff, and I've noticed that it is really rewarding to love instead of being loved, To forgive then to be forgiving, and to love without understanding everything. I know that God has a plan and in his time will ONLY that plan be revealed. It might not get what I want or hope for. Or it could be the happiest thing I could ever imagine. It took me Five years to understand Love, forgiveness, and to have strength beyond my wildest dreams to deal with heart jerking situations and I still struggle when I get into my own head. God Grant Me The Serenity just for today to be willing to walk with my head up high and to accept the things and people that I cannot change, The courage to live in me skin and be able to tolerate it, and the wisdom I get from a power greater then myself, The room that are filled with people just like me and to borrow the energy of others and to give it away when needed. I know what heart break is I lost everything and slowly I gained back what God wanted me to have. I've been in a relationship with a man I love dearly for over four years and he is suffering from a manic disorder and it got out of control he lived a duel life for 7 weeks, (with someone else) he's 11 years sober and now begging for help. Thur this God has taught me the lesson on loving instead of being loved, and forgiveness... YES this hurts and my sick drinking head wants to go rip everyone a new ass, but I cannot act like that today. I feel for the other person today and him and myself. But as a friend,lover,partner and a member of AA I reach out and help the people today that ask for help regardless on how I feel because we are all children of God and no one is perfect but him. I was so surprised at myself I cried with my sponsor and got myself together. I didn't get sober to hate,resent,or feel sorry for myself. I know in my heart whatever is meant to be will be but not in my time. We all do stupid stuff and it is true the Pain is REALLY a touch tone to growth. The true miracle today is that I didn't even think of drinking,drugging, or killing myself. What a gift God and this program has given me and I will forever be grateful.
Till later God Bless and take the days as they come...
Love Gail ( South Jersey Shore Girl )