Being me sometimes isn't easy. I have a alcoholic mind that has cleared up a little in five years but also wants to be just right. I know I will never be perfect and never would want to be, but I have to let go of tiresome dreams and just be me. I'm a honest good woman that deserves much better then just existing. I had a relationship that I sunk everything into in the past four years just to be alone and let down. I thought I would never love again after my ex husband but I did. ( Here we go again). But this time I have a program of AA behind me and allot of great people. It is still hard at times, when Rob calls I just don't know what to say. He is following his work dream and working on him. I'm trying to do the same but maybe men just show there feeling in a different way then women, I don't know. He just says give time time. I don't want what I had with him I want healthier. My son is still in limbo there is no program to help him in his mental health problems because he is drug free and in recovery what a kick in the ass, they don't want you under the influence but if your sober they don't want you either. It was suggested for him to try Job Core where he can get his GED and further his education because he is so talented when it comes to cars, bikes, engines, and racing which is his dream. But he is looking at 180+ days in jail for driving on the suspension times 5.
I have a good program of people around me and I try to get involved it is hard sometimes because I can't leave the house for long periods of time without the worry of something happening with my son or house. He is 21 and I would love to have my life back but until he starts getting his I'm on the back burner. I pray to be happy totally with just me one day I'm getting close but it is a long block to cover. I pray to love again someday and have someone whom respects me for me. I'm a very physically worker but I clean up great. I pray for peace, happiness, and the willingness to except whatever comes my way.
Thank you for your responds out there It makes me feel so much better when I know I'm not alone in my feat.
I still don;t know how to transfer my whole jouranl onto another site so I printed it all out so I have it. Any suggestions greatly appreciated.
Until next time,, The South Jersey Shore Girl.. Love Gail xxoo:)
1 comment:
One day at a time, just get through today and let God worry about tomorrow. I sure try and go by those words but sometimes the worry just overtakes me. But I must say.....getting older the worries are less frightening and less worrisome. I guess because life for me is getting shorter and I don't fret over the small stuff anymore. It's amazing what God has planned for you and me. No matter what plans we might have he has a differant agenda :) Just trust in him and get that worry box out and place all your worries of today inside the box. Some people call it their God Box or mail for God. On a small peice of paper write down your worries and fears and then once you place them in the box, you are turning them over to God. Let him do the worrying. He will take care of you just as he has all along. One day one step at a time. You've done amazing so far. 5 years sober is quite a feat to be mighty proud of.
As for your journal and how to transfer.....you have to copy and paste into the new web site. I haven't done that yet, but I'm working on it. It sure will be time consuming. I kept copies of all my entries on a CD. Just in case I ever lost them into cyberspace at least I had them backed up on CD.
Well here in Michigan the weather is gorgeous, a beautiful fall day of 70 degrees. I love this indian summer. You take care and great seeing you posting in your journal again. I need to update mine.
Post a Comment