Three Years & going

Well three years and going. I started to write in this journal yesterday but I just had to come back to it. Friday night I spoke and boy everytime I speak its like a newer fuller life verion is said. My day started out get and then I came home ate some strawberry pancakes and turned into a mistery bitch just quiet and isolated ( my mood just switched) I reminded myself to be grateful. I just don't like attention on me I like to give attention not receive it alot but people where just being caring. Every year feels different almost like a death to me the pain just gets easier. My daughter had her engagement party the other day and with the mix of people there I really didn't know how everything was going to work out but it all went fine. I'm so happy for her and Nick is a great guy. My ex-husband and his new wife didn't show up and Jennifer was very upset that the man that raised her didn't come "he was sick at the last min..." But I reasured her that the people that where suppost to be there was. She was hurt and it just brought back some memories of how sick I was and how it made  everyone around me sick he is really sick (emotionally) a new wife can't even take care of that. He got what he left but with alot more money. Sometimes it still hurts but I have a great person in my life too now and we go thur the ups and downs together and we both work hard, I just have to remember he has a program too he is 10 years sober and still a sick pup at time hahahaa... but it all works. Its just strange how the roller coaster affect goes up & down every anniversy is so different The first one I loved all the attention the second one was 1/2 1/2 and this year I was proud but it is just a way of life for me and I find more pleasure putiing attention on someone that reminds me of what I felt like and the thing I went thur.. Theres this women she has 4 months sober she is a doll and I love to here her talk I relate so much to her and what she is going thur, she is the special one ( she just has that light about her) I'm very proud of her.. (maryann)..  I'm grateful today for being alive and to see my children grow my middle son anthony is on my tough love program and you know it is easier this time I guess its just like drinking I have had enough bull shit . He is on his own somewhere, He told me two months ago I was going to be a grandmother I had mixed emotions but excited to and at my daughter partyhe told me no more grandmom they aborted the baby and he was so against that but I had to just say a prayer and let it go, years back I still would have been drunk over that so I see progress not perfection here. haha... Well until later I love you all & your in my prayers.. Love Gail Jersey shore girl