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Wednesday, November 9, 2005

Is there light???????????????????

Well God has really been checking his list with me, putting one thing after another on me... I tell you now If this two weeks wasn't enough to make me drink nothing will... I watched my whole life undo itself again in two weeks. My son which is OUT OF CONTROL and I can't help him anymore is on the run  from some pretty bad shit. The man I love moved out because he couldn;t handle anymore of this 18 year old tirrent and I'm sitting here with so many bills that it is overwhelming, but I'm not drinking or useing. My world is just up in pieces right now but you know I found out when the crazy people remove themselves from your life your true friends come back and pick up the pieces. I lost it yesterday it was the closes I've came to comitting myself (in soberity ) I was having a mental breakdown it was bad...   I have two friends that I love dearly and they came and took care or me without question and they protected me in every way that is friendship something I didn';t have before... Relationships are hard when you are starting over at 43 and sometimes being by yourself feels pretty good. I'm on my way of fixing Gail and not everyone else I just can't and was crazy to think I could,,, The care taker we all have that in us the last one we seem to take care of is ourselves well I learned the hard way and now have to move on.  It is not easy and it hurts but I now know I can do it sober and if I drank it would only get worse.. Unconditional love has it price and sometimes it is sanity....  I'm trying to stay in the day, I missed trwo days of work but tommarro is another day and I'm getting well needed sleep and starting all over again,, I came to far to quit now. Soberity makes you stronger but I had to feel weak for a couple of days and let other people help me, because I'm real bad on asking for help but thank God they did.. So today I'm tired, hurt, but also ready to give my life a fight and in half... Well untill later remember those who are to Well to tell aren't WELL..  TTUL Gail

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

http://journals.aol.com/chatzeekay/LifeandLessons/ stay strong have faith you will get by. I pray for you post more your felings need to get out in the open you may feel better,