honesty

Honesty is one thing that just blows my mind at times. When I got sober the first two things besides getting drunk that I was rid of was my trash mouth and the lies. I guess I try to beleive evryone or just give them a benfit of a dout. Without trying to brag, I have one of the nicest honest daughters a Mom could ever want, and right now she is dealing with lies from the past but not from me from other family members that she really put her heart and soul into. The hard thing for me is to remember i can't fix everything and that I'm powerless over all sititions but my first instinct is to go and kill the people that are causeing her grief. ( But I won't ). Thinking on the other hand two years ago I would have hurt someone and then though about it. I was surprised to find out how many people feared me.
I'm a kind and gentle person but with additives all bets are off. I wish I could make everything all better for everyone but I was told WISH doesn't belong in my vocabulary. Wish and is non action word and today I'm all about a way of life that moves forward not backward. I have to go to court next Thursday for my Divorice and you know I'm going ALONE because today I can walk with my head up high and without shame or regret. I'm not fooling myself I know it won't be easy but I have overcome harder things hahaha. I look in my journal and everything that I begged for in the past is now having a final close in my life and I'm OK boy what a difference. I see now more then ever how my disease has affected so many people around me when I was active. I thank God everyday for my NEW life a second chance. I work in a ICU unit and I see so much now on how booze and drugs can rip a body apart piece by piece I always say a silent pray for the person. Today I'm graitful and honest maybe someday my spelling will get better lol Thank you for letting me share my thoughts. Luv you all Gail