feelings of mental betrayel

I'm having such a hard time with getting over all the mental shit, and the mental abusive behavior of others in the past months. I was the fix it all and one day I woke up and had enough of everything, I had enough of my sons stuff ( which I miss him so much ) even thou he was a handful but we always stuck together all we had was each other for so long . I had it with the relationship that I though was from my dreams something that I always wanted it was almost to good and happy the man of my dreams someone that I waited for, for three years to find out he has so much shit coming back at him that I can't handle it and he had this way of making me belive it was all me for so long that I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong and then I realized it wasn't me. I'm at a point right now emotionally that I can't reverse my feelings and it hurts. I planned or we planned on sharing a life together and it was perfect so peaceful and happy then it just worn thin on me. I know when I get to this point of no return in my emotions that it is a course of someone getting hurt and usually it is both parties. My son is still out on his own but I did hear from him and he is taking actions to straighten his stuff out which is good, At home well I just sleep here and the rest is empty. My other half lnows he is losing me and he OVER does it to try to put things back into place but I know it is like a game if I give in and work on this relationship the shit will just start again I had a year of watching the pattern. I want to be able to share my life with someone I love and that we can do things with other people my friends always told me that something was wrong with this relationship but I didn't listen, Why should I it's my life. Well maybe I should have taken in some of the things others where seeing. I can't even pray right now, I pray to God to help me pray. I don't want to drink or anything like that but I do want to feel like my happy go lucky self again and I don't know where to start. I'm going to start to write because it helps me get some of this stuff off my chest at the time. If anyone knows what I'm feeling PLEASE share because right now I feel pretty alone. I thought going on three years sober my relationships with someone special would get better . I practice Honesty, Trust, Faithfulness and where did it get me ( But I'm holding on to those for myself) ... I do the right thing today, but sometimes I need help from others  and I guess thats what I'm asking for unparical help... Love yeah all Till Later Gail