resentments or resense

Well my moods have been crazy lately, I just don't have time for bullshit. I feel that enough mental abuse went on in the past year and I allowed it, now it is my turn to be free from the bullshit.  It took me along time to get into a relationship and boy people change, I'm so tired of forgiven I always forgive and where does it get me. I feel now that if I forgive and let go the other person has won like it is a game and I just can't take it no more. I have always been the type of person to care and help anyone but I'm so tired of people dropping there shit on me and now I have to get back on track and worry about me. I have a son that is breaking my heart but at the same time it is such a relief to not have to live the drama everyday not knowing what is going to transpire for min. to min....  I just want to be alone for awhile and find peace again. I have heard enough shit and been brow beaten for long enough and then led to believe that I was doing something wrong. I wrote down everything that I do and all I am is a HARD worker, Faithful, Honest and don't go anywheres but work and home so what I'am I doing wrong even thou I practice the program of AA I'am going to go to al-non I need to detact with Love not reasentments. Or like I say its not resenting it is resenseing the past and now... i love my children with my life and the heart strings they pull are amazing. I have my divorice coming up in the next couple of weeks and even thou all the crap that transpired between us it still hurts 18 years of my life is coming to a end.. I don't even know how to write my maiden name it has been so long. It feels like a death in the family.. I live with a man that is a great man but in the past months he has emotionally put me thou the wringer, He is also in the program and has a few years on me but we handle ourselves different. I other people he is the greatest but they don't live with him. I thought I loved this man more then anything and now I'm so angry I can put it down, any other time I can forgive and more on and we grew from it , now I just am empty...  I can't even pray or get quiet but I have this day and tonite to be quiet. Thoughts of my Dad has been on my mind lately he will be dead 24 years he was 44 when he died and thinking back he was a drunk too just like me. I just wonder if he ever asked himself if he had a problem with drinking or was it the iron-worker thing to do. I was thinking about a statement that was told to me when I was yound\g my Dad and Uncle Carl would always tell me " Don't ever trust someone that doesn't drink" I wonder why they said that... Well until later
Love and Huggs to all Gail (jersey shore girl)