I'm Back need to start writing Part Two

Well it's been awhile sense I have written, I really need to get back into it.
I'll be coming up on Two years sober soon Oct. 1st what a road to travel.
Newly paved but bumpy at times.
Alot has changed in my life sense i started this, I feel like I've had so may life times. I work in a ICU unit at a hospital and the job is really rewarding being able to help people but at 43 I still don't know exactly what I want.
I'm living with someone now and it has its moments  just dealing with another person at times but I love him he is a great man. My son has come Far in the past 4 months or so he really had to test the waters and I had to stick to TOUGH LOVE which is heart beating when you love someone that much. My children I love more then life I look at them and think they grew in me and they are a part of my being, but all three being sooooooooo different. My husband Well I'm still in a middle of a divorice its like I married a stranger.I still go to meeting but have to step it up some, I'm slowing down for the summer when it comes to work and I get VERY nervous worried and stressed about money but I have to remember the God will provided in those times of need not want. The lessoms that I'm learning about life keep flooding in still everyday but I started froma DEAD shell of a person, Homeless, Penniless, and very sick ( dealth knocked on my door but Faith was there) Thank God I thank he every moment of the day. The first year of soberity was such a different type of pain and mentally tiring, the second year is like a bad dream some times just days floating into eachother. I explain my feeeling at times and people look at me like I'm a nut but ALOT of people know just what I'm talking about.People tell me I'm beautiful all the time but I still see that plane simply sick person in the mirrow most of the time, I'm just tired need a break and some new conversation. I work so hard but just manage to keep my head above water, I have to stop letting the material type people get under my skin. My kids are getting older and that is a depression all in itself but reality sometimes thats the hardest to face (reality). Still to this day I don't know what day or year I walked out on my family but I know today I have the love from my Daughter which is God sent in my eyes and my Sons. I don't see my youngest son that much anymore but the material world has tempority ate him up, ( I miss him) my baby . I have so much in my head latley most of it is unexplainable at this point to even put down on paper still working though it. Well I work grave shift and have to get ready until next time, May the best day of your PAST be the worst day of your FUTURE..
Signed Gail ( From the Jersey Shore )

Second Set Of Holiday's

Well last year it was a year that was very depressing because all I wanted was to be home with my Husband and Kids for the Christmas Holidays, but this year it's alittle different. Even though I have almost 15 months sober my head still gets All Jammed up at times. I though I was going crazy last week but they say this is all normal. It is really hard to keep in the day sometimes. There are days that I just want to get in my car and run, the easy way out.  The marriage didn't pan out but God did put a wonderful person in my life and he is so at peace with himself that I just look at him and say is he real. This has been a hell of a year, progress is slow and patiences is not my thing but I'm learning. I have alot to be gratiful for, and one is that I do have a second set of holidays, there are many that don't. I have to start writting again or the demons in my head are going to take the best of me. For me to journal is a way to release all that postive and negitive energy out. I did manage to complete my Reiki 1 class and to practice that does help. So until I have something else to write " I'll be back"

PS- A wet bird never flies at night.  (why)

Love yeah all, Gail

Memories The Tools Of Joy.

I had a very busy day today, I was a guest speaker at a Rehab in Woodstown NJ. and then had to get back in Ocean City NJ to open up a meeting I must have drove 300 miles today but it was worth it. Memories the Tools of joy, When I would look back at my life I would just break down and cry. Thinking of all the things I missed with my children, Family etc. I worked at night as a bartender for 24 years I always used the excuses that we needed the money and the money was really good. What a price I paided for that thou, The truth was yes the money was good but it also was a way of getting paid for a night out. I never drank when I worked but Boy I could catch up faster then anyone and that I did. The price i had to pay for getting paid for those nights out. When i look back now I didn't have that quite time with my children before they went to sleep or that loving quite time with my husband. ( he would wait all night for me to come home) and when I finally did he was so mad but that went away with the thought of thank God she is home and she didn't kill herself or someone else tonite. He was also happy that he didn't have to wake up to the kids asking where I was could you picture if he had to tell three beautiful children with uncondtional love for there Mother that Moms not here she was drinking and Killed herself on the way home. (MY GOD) where would my children be today if that had happened. God was with me all the time I just wasn't with him. Now I look back and The memories keep that green for me, Thank God I'm able to be a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend etc. most most important a Sober Female because without that I would be NOTHING. Someday i might be able to be a wife again, but that same man that would have died for me and lied for me and loved me with ALL he had ( had conditions ) and he was beat so far down that i pray every night for his happiness and freedom from my disease. I hurt the people I love the most and even thou I haven't have a second chance on some things I now have a second chance on my life and with that I want my Memories to be a tool of joy. This past year has not been easy but I can't thank God enough for this second chance I have now sober. I made a year and now I have a year and 3 days new to start my year all over again, sober Birthdays, Hoildays, Memories.  One Day At A Time. Gail (Jennifer, Anthony, Karl Jr. KARL SR. I love you all with all my heart and soul.)

What a Direction.

Well yesterday was my One year anniversary of being Sober. It was incrediable, I have so much to be Greatful for. I said a prayer before I went to go speak and God gave me the words, they just came flowing out. It was the first time in two years that all three of my children where in the same room together and sitting with each other. My husband gave them a ride there and I'm very grateful for that. All at once it seems like my Life has just opened up on a new level I'm going to take it Day to Day there is just so much to write about and my mind is working faster then my typing right now so I'm just going to sit back and reflect on the Gifts of Soberty that God has put in my path and even there its One Day At A Time... Till later i'm just so Full of happiness I have to enjoy it for the time being because like everything " THIS TOO SHALL PASS "LOL God Bless You All: Gail

Your Answers Will Come

 

"Be watchful, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong." 1 Corinthians 16:13

 

Do not choose to spend your day in a worried state of mind, for such negative thinking activity can leave you tired, and out of sorts.

Instead, you recognize that God can provide every answer for your every need.  Once again, you feel the peace of God's presence, and with God's help you can go forth to accomplish your goals.

 

You place God first in your every thought.

 

God is always


God is always with you.  In any moment of need, you can call on God.  God is with you and more than ready to show you the way through any challenge.

 

You never have to meet a challenge alone, so why do so?  God and you working together bring right outcomes to every situation.  Trusting fully in God, you experience a surge of fresh energy, and well-being.  Together, God and you are one in purpose and one in accomplishment.  The joy of knowing this fills you with renewed confidence and strength. 




You never have to meet a challenge alone, so why do so?  God and you working together bring right outcomes to every situation.  Trusting fully in God, you experience a surge of fresh energy, and well-being.  Together, God and you are one in purpose and one in accomplishment.  The joy of knowing this fills you with renewed confidence and strength.  You are no longer feeling anxious or doubtful, for God is truly the answer to every prayer.


physical body, God's wisdom can come through your confused mind, and new abundance can flow again through the doors that God opens for you.

 

Whatever is the focus of your faith will surely manifest itself in your life and circumstances.  So keep your thoughts, feelings, actions and words centered in the possibilities of God.  What you truly believe in day after day will become so much a part of you that it will become a partof your life experience.

 

Today, have faith in God and the goodness of God

ONE YEAR TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I made it, One year sober today. Thanking God every STEP.  It is great last year my kids where not really in my life. I was someone that they only seen in there nightmares. Just the Despair in my life and the Total Physical breakdown of a human being. And now my 15 year old son stayed up till 12am. to be the first one to say Happy 1st. Year. I'm so happy I speak tonight in Wildwood and it's going to be so powerful. My husaband and Two of my children this will be the first meeting they ever went to. My middle son he is 17 he goes with me all the time. My life has changed so much in so little time. I found myself getting feared up today though, because no one has ever heard my story and now it's going to be a first for alot of people. I speak in the rehabs alot and do alot of service but this is different, this is personal. That One Day At A Time turned into a year, that is really something else. Tomarro this journal will start with the process of another day another year, My experiences, Strengths and Hopes. I thank God and the people that where put in my path, they are great (uncondtional LOVE) thats the only word for them all. I seen a girl tonight that looked just like me ayear ago she is very sick, scared, and boney, can't eat or sleep, she is beautiful and shakey but if she doesn't get it shes going to die..... It is written all over her face. I saw her standing out front of the meeting tonight I told her to come with me into the meeting and tell us her pain, she did (God working) and she got numbers and help after the meeting. Boy those Meeting before and after the meeting are the best ones. I chaired the meeting tonight by surprize and It was such a great meeting, the energy, love, and hope just flowed. To anyone out there that thinks they can't do it, YES YOU CAN because if I did it man anyone can do it, but it is work work work and pain and emotional healing with GOD and AA, and the people in the rooms the power is so great IF YOU REALLY WANT IT. Thank you all for reading and have a great sleep, your all in my prayers Love Yeah Gail

              I fling my past behind me like a robe
              worn threadbare in the seams, and out of date.
              I have outgrown it.
                                                        Ella Wheller Wilcox


A thought:  When you do this, You can never look
back, but you won't want to Anyway.