Remember When!!!!

Remember when life was so easy. All you had to do is clean your room come home at a certain time and listen to your parents? It seems like so many life times ago. Life has changed so much in the years. I remember when I had my first child and I was scared I would look at her and just think how she came out of me. Was I worthy of that? I always had the doubts of what I deserved. I remember feeling love for someone real love for the first time I didn't even realize it until alcohol took that all away. so many times I should have been dead either under the influence or just in crazy places. Traveling across country when I was young with no direction of where I was going. Now I'm older and forget about those times sometimes but I have to remember because those experiences had me what I am today. This time of year still is hard at times remembering the things I did with the kids and my ex-husband around the holidays, stringing pop corn and eating most of it, the thousands of lights we put up until the breaker blew, and always ending up drinking and passing out after the kids went to bed. I wonder what it would have been like sober? i never got that chance. But what I do have now is Three wonderful kids that love there mother and know today I will be there in a moments notice thats something they couldn't count on in the past. I would always be there for them but in my own alcoholic time. I know staying sober has been the best amends's I could have ever made to my Family and children but most important to God and myself. I think for me remembering is good as long as I don't rest on it and like it take up to much space in my head. I'm forever grateful for the gift God has gave me.
Till next time ( Remember ) Love the jersey shore girl.... Gail :}

Being Thankful

I have to remember that even thou some crazy stuff has passed in the pass months I have to be Thankful that I'm able to live the way I do. I just came off a three week work binge and I helped my daughter move into there new home. It is beautiful.. I'm so happy for them and at the same time I'm missing the house I use to have. Back then it was a family project to decorate the house. The lights grew every year we could be seem at the moon hahahaa. My ex-husband would make something crazy and new and we bought more extention cords as the years went on. On Christams Eve everyone came for dinner all family and friends ( open house) I loved to cook for days and entertain. But drinking was always a part of that. I don't miss the embarassing times with the drinking or the horrible feeling the day after wondering what time did everyone leave did I pass out at the table? did I fight with my husband. I hate to think of all I did. and how I would do it now. I really ache for my own house again big enough to have family and friends come over. This year my son has to spend some time in jail for the stuff he did in soberity, just doing the same stuff expecting different results I have such a hurt in my heart for this kid. He really is a good soul thats lost. I told him I don't care how long he is away I will keep the tree up until he comes home to have Christmas. I have so much to be grateful for but I feel so lonely and empty sometimes. I live at the shore and love it, this is the time of the year when everyone is gone and some come to visit at holidays. This is a place filled with big beautiful homes that are empty. ( what a shame). I am grateful no madder how I feel to be sober. I still have issues with iosolation when I get like this. I know today i will go to a couple of meetings and spend time with family. I'm trying so hard to move forward with a healthy way of living with my other half and sometimes it is so confusing and I lack tolerence. My prayer for today is :
God,
Thank you for the gifts you give me everyday without a drink or drug.
Thank you for the beach to walk on and the roof over my head instead of a cold grave.
Thank you for the gift of children where some people don't have them and never will.
Thank you for the gift of being just who I am and not anyone else.
Please guide me to be the best person I can be just to today.
Please let me love better then to be loved.
Please let me see thur your eyes and follow your footsteps.
Please help me to just stay in today and move on to tomarrow when I day comes.
Thank you God.
Well until later Happy Thanks giving.
Love the jersey shore girl
Gail

anxiety

My life like everyones has allot of twists and turns. I've been working allot and when I don't go to meetings in a few days I feel like I forgot to take my medicine. Anxiety can become a very big part of me at times. I have learned that lack of Humility can lead me to anxiety. When I try to do my will instead of leaving it in the hands of a person or persons that are more qualified I take on the stress. It was explained to me "Perhaps you where on a plane and very nervous and anxious to start, the pilot comes on the speaker and says" Welcome aboard sit back relax and enjoy the flight. Thats when Humility sets in should I be riddled with stressed out thoughts or should I just let go and let the person more qualified just fly the plane. Being humble letting go of what I cannot control. When i try to do everything myself I get stressed out instead I have to humble myself and let go and let God. I've been Thur some crazy stuff lately and I would be lying to say resentment hasn't set in at times. When this happens I have to pray Thur it and talk Thur it or my head will just go on it's own path. Lack of Humanity is my gateway to anxiety. This lesson took me five years to see and it's going to take practice to practice it. Thank God I have a program that doesn't require perfection.
Well until next time God bless & "Keep your head up and face the world head on"
Love and prayers, Gail ( The shore jersey shore girl"

Thee Obsession

I was thinking today about when I hit my final bottom with my drinking. i meant up with a friend of mine for 30 years this is the first time she ever saw me sober and her husband has been sober for some 24 hours now. He ask me " Was the obsession to drink lifted from you right away when you really where ready for it?" I've been thinking of that. you know when I finally had enough of the abnormal being so normal for me and watching my daily life just become what it was, when I truly surrendered to drinking it was lifted. What wasn't lifted right away was living in my own skin and wanting a better life JUST FOR ME,,, not for the husband,kids,etc.. because at first i thought being sober would have brought those things back but it bought back just want I was suppose to get and what a life. I still struggle with everyday living things but I now know that is just life.

Till Later Love gail ( the jersey shore girl}..