Well another twist in the always changing life. Alot has been going on. One good thing is my kids and I are really coming together. The wedding is off... Rob said he has to go find himself. Well everything happens for a reason. I wonder was I really looking forward to the wedding or was I just fantasizing about the experience. I realized nothing is worth coming between my kids. I have three kids that need and want me in all three different ways at different times, As a women I can mutitask which in my belief Men cannot. It just worn me down when I had someone dictating to me on how to handle my children when they haven't been around theres in 11 years. I love Rob but I don't think I'm ready for marriage yet either. One thing about MY recovery is that I am the GREATEST LIAR TO SELF. The feelings I had two years ago where nice but alot weaker then the control and feelings I have today. the only way I can explain it is that I have changed grown up and realized that Time is mandatory as much as I wanted to do everything overnite it was just another mind fart. My middle son needs different care then the rest. My daughter is a great kid and has her stuff together my youngest son is smart and handles things in a adult manner and then you have Anthony he is in recovery and he is ME. scary when you see yourself in your kids, There is times I do tell him call me when you get a real problem he is 19 years old and calls me when his girlfriend won't get up out of bed lol/ I tell him and he has to learn on his own that he has a life and so does the million of other people around him. As much as he gets my goat I'm always there when he really needs me and ALWAYS WILL BE. Loniness is scary but being crazy and stressed out is worse. As a women I can go run to find myself, i have animals and a house which now my land lord is selling and I have to move April 1st. Thats ok I can't worry about it just keep moving ahead. I have to try to get back some of this money I put out for the wedding etc.. Sometimes I can't help feeling used but then I have to remember I allowed this, I am Responsible for my actions today and the lesson was to THINK THINK THINK now I know what they mean : Think things thur with you head not always your emotions. I have allot ahead of me my Ex-husband has cancer he is only 42 and the kids are holding strong. I pray everyday that something comes up to fix him because he really is a good man. But one good note I DON'T DRINK TODAY and I can handle ANYTHING that is to come my way.. Like it or Not . I have to remember I'm not in control of this life plan God is and he does things for a purpose . Most times I don't understand the purpose till after the fact but there ALWAYS IS A PURPOSE. I'm a women, Strong, Tender,Bitchy at times, Multitasking person the only thing different with me compared to some women is that I'M SOBER.. Love you all Have a wonderful day.. Love gail ( the jersey shore girl )..
1 comment:
So sorry to hear about the cancelation of your wedding. But I also believe everything in life happens for a reason. What doesn't destroy us, makes us stronger. Makes us better human beings.
You've come through a lot and conquering the bottle is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to face. Pat yourself on the pat, cause girl, you did it. And your a better person from all your experience's.
So sorry to hear of your x-husbands illness. Life is cruel at times, and we'll never know what causes pain and grief to some, while others float through life. All we can do is appreciate what we have at this very moment, grab it and hang on. Cause it can all be taken from you in the blink of an eye. So, with the time you have left with your X make the most of it, if this is possible. Don't let him go, with you having regrets that you didn't say this or you didn't tell him that.
You seem to have a good grip on your troubles, and are facing them head on. I hope you find a place to live without it causing you hardship. Sometimes it seems everything is piling in on us and we just can't take it. But I'm a firm believer in God only gives us what he feels we can handle.
Whenever life's problems really start to wear me down....I stop and remember how hellish my life used to be. Living in the bottle, the pit of darkness. I look at all that I've come through and before I know it, those problems that were getting to me, slowly fade and become smaller an smaller. Lets face it, nothing can be worse than being addicted to booze or in my case booze and losing my son.
So don't let anything bring you down for to long.....you've come to far and conquered so much. I'm proud of you and some day true love will find it's way to your back door.
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