The sea saw affect

Well has been awhile sense I wrote. The chages in life are sometimes so quick that it takes time to catch up with the mental process of things. Alot has happened in the past months. I'm dealing with a major problem of bi-polar with someone that doesn't believe he even has a problem and the mental part of it has been put all back on me. I have to remember that I'm responsible for my feelings but the mind tends to work on you after awhile. I have great people in my life today and most of them if they only knew what I deal with from day to day. I feel like there is no light at the end of that tunnel sometimes but I know I've been up against the wall before and it does pass. Thank God that I'm sober still today only with Gods help did I stay that way. I have the world on my shoulders and with little relief at times. I work very hard everyday to be the best person I can be, some don't see it that way. People used to tell me time is the touch tone of relief but as time goes on it just becomes faster and faster , I find myself going totally insane at times. Writing is good for me it does help and also to let other people know that there are not alone. Life on Lifes terms aren't easy at times sometimes never for awhile. My son is in a rab... now and it is really hard to see the pain and to know how it feels such a part of me hurts so bad, but again thank God that I'm sober or I wouldn't be able to do the things for him today as I'm doing. God sends people in my life I'm blessed like that, ( I call them my angels) I'm never alone and I have to remind myself of that because it is easy to feel all alone at tomes when the shit hits the fan. I just want a peaceful life I find the caretaking and mental confusion is my down fall it is so easy to fall into someone elses sickness and to let go of people or person you care about, it really tugs at your heart and that is a emotion that I feel today. Love and Caring for others and just not myself. Before I didn't care much about anything and I find today that some people the more you care the more off the wall they get... Well keep the prayers out there for my son his name is Anthony and for myself I really feel sometimes when is life going to become a smooth road instead of a project that you fix and tear down and fix again, repeated mental stuff can make you a sick person even without a drink or drug,  Fear and pain is the touch stone to relief its just getting thou that valley of the shadow. God bless till next time Gail