I
had a really bad day yesterday. I made phone calls and talked to
people. I knew that is what I had to do to keep some sanity. I was
always told if you don't know what to do just do nothing, talk about it
and share with people that you feel can help you in that certain
sitution. I know me I would have flew off the handle and lost control
of the last bit of sense I had and I would have made matters worse
instead of better. I really need peace and serenity in my life today
and I know that feeling second best to others is just a sick way of
thinking. It took me along time to make friends with other women ( I
don't really trust them ) they seem to always want what you have until
something else catches there eyes. I still have that non-trust and that
is something I'm working on. I was brought up really not to trust that
was the road that I took my life and it was a loney one to take . going
thur this stuff with my son now makes me see how the disease of
addiction is such a liar and how we all covered it up so well. ( I knew
that he partied at times but nothing like this) he is now in a mental
hospital to hopefully be released into a rehab next week or so. I know
he is in the right place but I have to stop beating myself up ( How did
I not know) .. I thank God for his intervention and so many
people out there are praying and it is working, Prayer does work in it
own time. I know God has a plan for me and this is just many of more
tests to come my way. Some I will pass and some I will Fail I have to
learn to accept that. Failure is not a good suit for me, I'm a
perfectionist and it is a real down fall ( at times ) some times it is
good and works good when I go to work or help others because I give it
my all. Life on Lives term not easy at all sometimes I have to stay in
the day and take time as it comes a second at a time. Till later Love
yeah all Gail ( jersey shore area )
1 comment:
Just came across your journal and wanted to say, my thoughts and prayers are being sent your way. It sounds like you have alot on your shoulders. I hope things work out for your son and he can face his demons. We all have tests we face during our lifetimes, some harder than others. But what doesn't kill us, will make us stronger. I found this out when I lost my son. He was only 35 and his death could have destroyed me, but I learned what real faith was. I see life so differantly now. And I see it SOBER...I got through my sons death without my former best buddy....the bottle.
You stay strong and take one day at a time. My best to you and your son
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