A way to close out oct...

Well, today was special day. ( I didn't drink ) I went to the meeting tonight. They always make me feel loved and NORMAL, I was talking tonight about keeping it simple. Well you can try but this disease is all but simple. But learning to see the blessings from God that you wouldn't normally see when you are drunk, is a high within it self. I had a great day My daughter sent me a e-mail today that touched my heart sooooo much, (she welcomed me back to life ) these are the blessings, I walked out of my AA meeting tonight, the meeting room is 1/2 block from the beach. The sky was clear and it was warm for oct. ( IN N.J ) and i looked up and the brightess falling star I have ever seen fell, any other time I would have wished for something that is in Gods Hands anyway. I started to wish and stopped, all that came to mind was not a wish but a thank you to my higher power (god) as we understand him. I felt great then I realized I might not have had a second chance on somethings but god did give me a second chance on life. AA and the fellowship of great people really helped me get there. Like we say keep coming back it works if you work it. If I can do it and feel so good after this short time, I can't wait for the long haul. Day to Day, Thanks in the morning , Thanks at night , make a meeting make two if you need that uplift and great feeling that comes about you when SOMEONE does understand. God Bless Everyone, And God be with the still that are suffering. Sweet Dreams and Lord Thank you for another day. ( now thats something we wounldn't normally say as drunks ) Another Day?   Gail

Another Stage

Today, we a great day. God really showed his true rewards to me, I guess that is the little gifts that people really don't notice much with the way life is so busy. I had special time with my son Karl Jr. Today I'am so grateful for being sober. I can here the rotten things I did in the past and finally came to live with them. Things we do to the people we love and even people we don't know when we are under the influence can be cruel. We destroy good lives and don't even realize it. I guess I just came to terms with my dark passed, and I finally forgiving myself and put it behind me. All this time I woundered why I feel so depressed , to now realize the past was holding me down. It was almost like a powerful drugs that just takes control of you. I can look in the mirror now and say YES you are living with a sickness but the key word is living and the other key word is time. The sickness of being a acholic is something that you can't cure with a pill. It takes TIME, honesty,and will, the most important thing is to have the grace of GOD in your life everyday. When you feel weak he is never to tired to carry you. ( When you get that feeling it is sooooooo  great ) My life is going in a different direction and it is for the best. I feel love , and also welcome it now. AA has helped me open more doors in 30 days then I have done in 25 years. The love and respect you get from others is such a blessing. God has great plans for me and I'am just taking his lead. Marriage or no marriage This new found love for me is here to stay, and the took alot of TIME. I want to bless all other people trying to get there lives together. And pray to God to lift some of the Pain and anger that my husband has, (he really is a great guy) When we where together I would always say " You don't deserve me, You deserve Better" Well you know what I was right. He deserved someone that was sober enough to see the love one person had for another. God Bless my children, and family, and all the rest of the people that are still suffering out there. There is always HOPE for whatever you dream in as long as your true to yourself. Till Tomorrow, Gail

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Today is my 30 days. I made it a month SOBER.

Healing of Mind and Soul

     He who formed our Frame,

Made man a perfect whole,And made the body's health

Depend upon  the soul.    http://bakerbooks.com

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Mind can play tricks

Well, just sitiing here thinking that can be a mistake at times. I have alot of great books to read and have went thur most of them. I tried to call my son and husband back but there is no answer. Boy can the mind go travling, thinking they are somewhere else that they don't want me at. Thats how your mind can play tricks. I talked to my son earlier his dad was still working (he does long hours and works non-stop at his job). All I wanted to do is just go down and make him dinner, hug him, talk to him, etc. I really miss all the one on one things that a mom does. I wasn't good all the time but most of the time. Having a sober mind does mean you have a clear mind. Now you remember things you took for granted, and boy does it hurt. You find that the things you took for granted where the most important things in your life. But being a alcoholic you only think of yourself. (self-destruced) but thinking it is just a way of life. ( boy it was a wrong way of life) tomarro is 30 days TOTALLY sober for me and I will celebrate it by myself when I wake up and thank God for another day. Please Bless My Family and all the people that are still suffering out there hopefully they will find a way before it is too LATE. But then IS IT REALLY NEVER TOO  LATE ?  Gail

The heavy Phone

Well, today was one of those rainey days, that you just want to stay in bed. I've been down alot today but I finally picked up the phone and called a AA friend of mine, and she told me " Gail the great thing about life is that we can start our day over again". I put my belief in a power greater then myself, My Higher Power (God) as you choose to see it.Early soberity is very up and down. Physically and Mentally you heal, Emotionally it's a DAY to DAY personal program. The hardest thing as a acholic is thinking about yourself and doing for yourself in a healthy way. Your whole way of life changes , from top to bottom, It is so hard to explain the feelings you feel sometimes. Being Drunk you feel , but don't understand. That sounds weird but I know some of you will understand that. I wish I would have worked the program years ago. But then you know wishing is only for people who have unforfilled dreams, that are to weak to make them realitiy. Realitiy is a scarey word for someone who was in the dark fpr years not by choice but by sickness. One of the hardest things to do , is do it for yourself. ( To put the feeling of some people you love second) that sounds cruel but it does make sense when you think about it at times. I know my life is going to get better, it is going to take time. Another thing drunks don't have patiences, (everything must be now) that is what we are used to. (doing what we what when we want it no madder who we steppped on in our way) You learn that isn't the right way of life. Alcohol is Cunning, Powerful, and disructive. I have to go to a meeting will write more later. G/B  Gail

One of those nights:

Tonite is one of those nights. I go to AA meetings alot, and I really Love the people there. They for full of Love and we all understand each other. I have been seperated for some time now with the hopes of someday getting my marriage back together. I have tried so hard, I really miss my husband and the Family Life. I have a problem with acholic but noticed the problem after all these years and came to terms with it. I loke being sober now. Even thou it does suck sometimes in that crazy sort of way. ( but I wouldn't trade it for anything) I came to believe in a power greater then myself and that is a long bridge to cross. I'am so loney. I'am only 41 this is the time we planned for. The kids  are older and we where suppost to have this time for us. After all the hard work of being active parents. I really want to share my life, I hate being alone. I know I sound so negitive at times, but I guess thats just the poor me symdrom. I just pray and take it DAY TO DAY everyone tells me it gets better in TIME. That is the key word Time... Well until tomarro God Bless sweet dreams and goodnight. Gail