The Core

You know that pain from a tooth ache? Sometimes it can hurt to the core and you beg for help. You start to feel better and it's at the bottom of your list again, but still though of.
Well when i hit my bottom it was some-like that. Well now into the sixth year but who is counting ( I have a day at a time ) most day's I try. It is the emotional part. Fear, restless,like total surrender jumping into the void. What's on the other side only God knows. I have to count the blessings in my life and protect myself emotionally for what I have or may have left. I've been going to Al non and it seems to be helping, with restraint of pen and tongue. Heart and Soul is a totally different chapter. The Weller you get, the weller the people around you get!!!! Someone dear told me that along time ago. I NEVER FORGOT IT. It's true. Well till later Light and Love, Jersey Shore Girl Gail

Ho Ho Ho first Christmas 2009 Angelina 4 months

Wheres my Spiritual Path?

Where did it go, Spiritual ........ It has been a hell of a year. SO GLAD 2010 is here. I'm really tiring.
I've been though some growth that just Physical, Mentally, Emotional, bankrupted me. I really feel scared to death. One great thing is I didn't want to drink. It took me so long to let some things go of my past that it really stood in the way of my future. I have to reminded myself that GOD is in charge and he never let me down, it was just the opposite I let him down but he FORGAVE me unconditionally. What a gift. I have to leave Rob in Gods hands. Man I thought I would ever Hurt or should I say Love that deeply again like I do Rob. I know the real man.
My son Anthony Brittany and the baby still live here with me. I wish for them there own place. They where God sent this Holiday season this was the first Christmas and New Years I spent without Rob. I did promise when we moved in this house it would only be us, But things come up and when Family needs Family ( My Granddaughter ) Can someone please tell me how to just rip it off like a bandage and get on?????? God wills not mine be done!!!! Prayer helps and works!!!

Anthony and Angelina 1st. Halloween

WaterFall

It is so funny I want to write and the only word that came to mind for a title was WATERFALL. It is this time of year again, winter is coming and the wind and cold I hate it, BUT I LOVE WHERE I'M AT!!!!. Allot of changes this Oct-Nov... Rob moved out again when the kids my Son Anthony, Brittany, and My granddaughter moved in. This year is different, I found myself saying six years sober " Why I'm I stilling doing the same thing in areas of my life and expect a different result. I think finally for once in my life I really need to be alone and sort Thur all my emotions. Fear, Jealous, Love and dislike. What a combo. I'm trying to take it piece for piece. I haven't drank, I have a beautiful granddaughter and we have a system " Pray for Anthony to get transportation so he can go back to work in NY" They really deserve there own place to experience the full joy of a family and the WORK of it. :} When it comes to my relationship with Rob it hurts, but at the same time I just want to choke him. Every time the relationship with us goes South it comes back and the same result. It wears you thin. Working it out separately and with a professional we may make it but for now I don't really trust what to do so I'm doing nothing. Trust and respect what happened to that. How do you get it back. I have to let GO and let god. sometimes easier said then done. Huggs and prayers Gail the south jersey COLD girl. :}