Well lately like always it is hard to sleep, I've tried everything, everything but a 4th step.. I've tried in the pass months to sit and write but my life seems to jump from one life to another. So many things I forget and then I have stupid dreams and it all comes to me that part of my life. My life seems like a jig saw puzzle sometimes and some of the pieces just don't fit. I decided to just write a personal book of my life and share it with my sponsor someday if I ever get it all together. I see other people that say a 4th step cleared there passageway and they could think more clearer. I still resent the fact that my ex-husband and I can't be friends he just won't talk to me. All those years to be with someone even thou he remarried I just don't seem to understand that he now has another person controlling him. He settled down with what he let go. He married a women with three kids and dominate I had two kids and dominate and both us women drank I don't anymore but they do. It just puzzles me. The closer I get to getting married the more these feelings come up and it is so unfair to Rob he has been great . I've been a bitch and I don't mean too that is just not me. I go hot and cold I think I'm afraid of marriage the thought of failing just old haunts. I have to get it together and people outside the program just don't understand, I don't want kids at my wedding and my family is upset over that but this place is just not the place for kids and there is only 50 people max.. limit, Then I have heard from some that why do it again you already had your wedding days, its not like your having kids or anything, and then i also heard that being married on the beach doesn't even count because it's not in a church.. It is all so frustrating. I have to write about this stuff to get it out and hopefully God will send me a answer. If not a answer on how to handle this a answer on letting go resentments. Well until next time I will keep moving ahead One Day At A Time... Love the jersey shore girl. Gail
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I was shocked to read that there are still people out there that feel if your not married in a church that it's not legal. For heavens sake, what could be more closer to God than the earth and birds and everything around that the eye can see. A church is man built, and doesn't make it holy. To me God is all around us and knows what's in our hearts. You can't hide from him. I've met people that go to Church faithfully, and call themselves Christians, only to be the biggest heathens I've ever come across. Back stabbers, but they go to church and think all is forgiven because of weekly devotion.
Being married outdoors, is your plan no one should interfer, it's what you want. Standing on the earth that God made and saying your vows with God overhead watching from above, is a true spirtual blessing. More-so than being inside 4 MAN MADE WALLS. STICK TO YOUR PLANS . tHE ONES THAT ARE CAUSING YOU PROBLEMS, SHOULD BE AVOIDED.
If you were married 100 times, and still wanted to be married with all the frills, including the beautiful dress and veil, then no one should stop you. This is the 21st century, not back in the dark ages :) What I'm trying to say and making this into a book trying to get my point across...ha.ha Is.........this is all about YOU... don't let others spoil it. If you don't want kids, then NO KIDS. If they can't handle that, then they can stay home. If these people truly have your back, or really care and love you then they sure as heck wouldn't be causing all this heartbreak for you. Let them know that. Don't fall apart because of a few rotten apples. God will take care of them :)
Well I sure hope this isn't to long for me to post. Lets give it a try....
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