sleep or no sleep

Well it is another night and no sleep. I haven't slept at night in so long I forget what it was like. I have this sleep problem and I've tried everything but I just can't sleep. Ever sense I've gotten sober I have been up every other hour and now I just don't sleep.  My doctor has tried everything in the past and nothing works and I've tried everything over the counter and nothing works I get so crazy even my ferrets and cat are sleeping (not me) well I'm going to try to read a little and see what happens.. Till later Gail

memory lane

Well lately like always it is hard to sleep, I've tried everything, everything but a 4th step.. I've tried in the pass months to sit and write but my life seems to jump from one life to another. So many things I forget and then I have stupid dreams and it all comes to me that part of my life. My life seems like a jig saw puzzle sometimes and some of the pieces just don't fit. I decided to just write a personal book of my life and share it with my sponsor someday if I ever get it all together. I see other people that say a 4th step cleared there passageway and they could think more clearer. I still resent the fact that my ex-husband and I can't be friends he just won't talk to me. All those years to be with someone even thou he remarried I just don't seem to understand that he now has another person controlling him. He settled down with what he let go. He married a women with three kids and dominate I had two kids and dominate and both us women drank I don't anymore but they do. It just puzzles me. The closer I get to getting married the more these feelings come up and it is so unfair to Rob he has been great . I've been a bitch and I don't mean too that is just not me.  I go hot and cold I think I'm afraid of marriage the thought of failing just old haunts.  I have to get it together and people outside the program just don't understand, I don't want kids at my wedding and my family is upset over that but this place is just not the place for kids and there is only 50 people max.. limit,  Then I have heard from some that why do it again you already had your wedding days, its not like your having kids or anything, and then i also heard that being married on the beach doesn't even count because it's not in a church.. It is all so frustrating.  I have to write about this  stuff to get it out and hopefully  God will send me a answer.  If not a answer on how to handle this a answer on letting go resentments. Well until next time I will keep moving ahead One Day At A Time... Love the jersey shore girl. Gail

Season changes so do I.

Well it's getting to be that time of year. IT IS COLD burrrrrrrrrr....  We in Nj get teased one day it is 70 and tonite it is 20.*  It is my slow time of the year now and year round work that I have keeps me going until April,,, this time of year i get depressed but then I sit back and think how lucky I am today. I have to remember to be graitful for everything I have and do. My daughter is so into the wedding plans it is funny, she has me booked up with every vender down to the hour this coming tuesday. She is a trip. I love her. Robs kids are happy too and all working on saving money for there trip from fla. to come to the wedding in april. Wehave a confirmed date. April 15 th (tax day hahaa) at 430 pm on the beach at the cape may point Iam just taking it day to day because I can get myself crazy in a min... if I look to far ahead. I'm trying not to worry about money so much that is what I do best in the winter but it just gets me crazy. I'm trying to just remember that God will take care of us and lead us to where we are to be. I do get stressed I even thought of going back to work at the hospital but with all the crap that goes on I don't know I miss the patiences and working with the sick but I don't miss all the upper manger crap. Well I guess the best thing to do right now is just be gratiful that I have choices today and I'm sober and can act on them.. Well God Bless until next time KEEP WARM  Love Gail ( jersey shore girl/

winter is coming