Thank you for
the great responds I have recieved, what a encouragment. It is another
day and I had a long good sleep that I need seeing the master lies face
to face with my sons addiction is like fighting demons, but I will not
let them in I have a God that is stronger then that and people in my
life that will help. I'm grateful today and still taking it slow. I
have to make more time for meetings because I feel the loss when I
don't attend them like I use to. I always had work as a outlet for my
pain and confusion but this time that didn't even work I had to take a
couple of days and regroup thank god I did Thank you for all your
support that I recieve on-line it really does help and your all in my
prayers.. Till later Love Gail
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Happiness is reflective like the light of heaven!!
I
had a really bad day yesterday. I made phone calls and talked to
people. I knew that is what I had to do to keep some sanity. I was
always told if you don't know what to do just do nothing, talk about it
and share with people that you feel can help you in that certain
sitution. I know me I would have flew off the handle and lost control
of the last bit of sense I had and I would have made matters worse
instead of better. I really need peace and serenity in my life today
and I know that feeling second best to others is just a sick way of
thinking. It took me along time to make friends with other women ( I
don't really trust them ) they seem to always want what you have until
something else catches there eyes. I still have that non-trust and that
is something I'm working on. I was brought up really not to trust that
was the road that I took my life and it was a loney one to take . going
thur this stuff with my son now makes me see how the disease of
addiction is such a liar and how we all covered it up so well. ( I knew
that he partied at times but nothing like this) he is now in a mental
hospital to hopefully be released into a rehab next week or so. I know
he is in the right place but I have to stop beating myself up ( How did
I not know) .. I thank God for his intervention and so many
people out there are praying and it is working, Prayer does work in it
own time. I know God has a plan for me and this is just many of more
tests to come my way. Some I will pass and some I will Fail I have to
learn to accept that. Failure is not a good suit for me, I'm a
perfectionist and it is a real down fall ( at times ) some times it is
good and works good when I go to work or help others because I give it
my all. Life on Lives term not easy at all sometimes I have to stay in
the day and take time as it comes a second at a time. Till later Love
yeah all Gail ( jersey shore area )
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
The sea saw affect
Well has been
awhile sense I wrote. The chages in life are sometimes so quick that it
takes time to catch up with the mental process of things. Alot has
happened in the past months. I'm dealing with a major problem of
bi-polar with someone that doesn't believe he even has a problem and
the mental part of it has been put all back on me. I have to remember
that I'm responsible for my feelings but the mind tends to work on you
after awhile. I have great people in my life today and most of them if
they only knew what I deal with from day to day. I feel like there is
no light at the end of that tunnel sometimes but I know I've been up
against the wall before and it does pass. Thank God that I'm sober
still today only with Gods help did I stay that way. I have the world
on my shoulders and with little relief at times. I work very hard
everyday to be the best person I can be, some don't see it that way.
People used to tell me time is the touch tone of relief but as time
goes on it just becomes faster and faster , I find myself going totally
insane at times. Writing is good for me it does help and also to let
other people know that there are not alone. Life on Lifes terms aren't
easy at times sometimes never for awhile. My son is in a rab... now and
it is really hard to see the pain and to know how it feels such a part
of me hurts so bad, but again thank God that I'm sober or I wouldn't be
able to do the things for him today as I'm doing. God sends people in
my life I'm blessed like that, ( I call them my angels) I'm never alone
and I have to remind myself of that because it is easy to feel all
alone at tomes when the shit hits the fan. I just want a peaceful life
I find the caretaking and mental confusion is my down fall it is so
easy to fall into someone elses sickness and to let go of people or
person you care about, it really tugs at your heart and that is a
emotion that I feel today. Love and Caring for others and just not
myself. Before I didn't care much about anything and I find today that
some people the more you care the more off the wall they get... Well
keep the prayers out there for my son his name is Anthony and for
myself I really feel sometimes when is life going to become a smooth
road instead of a project that you fix and tear down and fix again,
repeated mental stuff can make you a sick person even without a drink
or drug, Fear and pain is the touch stone to relief its just
getting thou that valley of the shadow. God bless till next time Gail
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