Doing what I don't want to do.

Well I did have a tough weekend with all the people here at the shore on vacation. I found myself feeling closed in, unable to breath. I didn't want to go out or to meeting etc. But I decided to face my fears and do it anyway. I went out to meeting for the last two nights and they really helped me. I drove along the coast and took time to see what I take for granted everyday, the sea, waves, boats, sky etc. it was great. I have to remind myself that I'am doing soooooooo  much better then I was 9 months ago.  I never want to go back to that life. It is loney sometimes more then others but in Gods time I will not be alone. I started writting because I haven't in so long and didn't want to so I went and did it and now I feel better. I have to push myself sometimes I get stuck in the funk of things. I found myself just looking at all the happy people and fun and forgot to look at the people that have it much worst then me. I have it pretty good for someone that has lost everything. I found myself not being able to pray so I asked God to help me pray and it is helping.   I just have to remember where I am and what time it is. I am Here, and the time is now. And the meaning of time to me is ( This I Must Earn ). Thank god I have some special people that help me so much and they don't even realize it.God has blessed me in many ways and that I have to keep in mind. Well until tomarro, Sunny 85 clear skys and beaches, it doesn't get better then this. ( for now ) .  Gail