cont.. Acceptance is more then saying IM

I still have to work and put my moods in check sometimes, when I get into that self pity and obsessive thoughts, I just have to remember what a friend told me remind myself, Where are you? (Here) What time is it? (Now) and you can just start your day all over again at ANY time. Meetings and people are very important, to here people share there life stories with Pain, Happiness, it is a never ending road but it just gets greener and life starts to reform. To see people ( newcomers ) when they first come in, and then after even a couple of weeks starting to want what we have , a second chance on life they get that glow back that look of life. ( and gods will ) it is amazing. I use to beg for a second chance on my marriage, I never knew how important it really was to me because I was blind to all lifes facts, I use to pray ( please god make everything just go back good ) but now I realize He did answer me I have a second chance on LIFE! (SOBER) if anything else comes along it will just be a plus. I have the Love of my children That is god sent, and I do know I'am still loved . It takes time to get to just this point of my life with a WHOLE lot ahead of me, and it feels good. Emotions we all deal with that is life, and they can become unbearable at times but this too shall pass, it's really hard to believe but it does.  I have to accept the things I can't change, because if I don't it could spin me right back to that insane way of living in my case it would be , Not gods will but my Last will and testament I could never live threw my active addiction again, Now that is ACCEPTANCE!!!!!!! God Bless, Love to all, Gail

Acceptance More then just saying IM

Acceptance is more then just saying or omitting you have a problem! When you truely accept the fact that you have a addiction weather Drugs, Eatting, Alcohol, spending whatever it may be that is when the true work comes in. Reality and Life on Lifes terms. Not only with myself but with other people, people we use to call friends. ( Even Family ). People tend to change when you change. One example I went out to dinner with some people that still do drink just a couple at dinner, but when I went with them they weren't sure if they should order a drink or not because I don't drink, I let it go for a couple of mintues and then said go ahead just because you drink doesn't mean I have too. ( They felt weird ) or you get the friends that when they do see you they try to go out of there way to say " Man I feel better, I don't drink like I use to" I drink alot of coffee now. Sometimes it just makes me laugh people change because they can't believe that there ex-partying buddy is sober.  Or they just get very scared almost like they are waiting for you to have your Grand Finialy. My Grand End was when I was at my end or the bottom we call it. Everyones bottom is different! Some worst then others but thats there bottom. In my case it took me losing everything including my mind. And that is a place I don't plan on visiting again or forgetting. God only puts on your plate what you can handle, and sense I was in a addiction and never started to finish most on my plate that's where the work comes in. Most people with a addictive pattern it becomes overwhelming and finally we accept we need help. Some turn to professional help, AA, Church, Etc. in my case all of the above but most important My Higher Power. ( Because I Couldn't do it alone )   cont...........

cont.... From being in your own head.........

The people we hurt are in there own addiction of denial that the person they love the most has changed, has problems, everything will be ok tomarro, but tomarro never comes. ( Until we hit bottom ). Everyones bottom is different a addiction can go on for years, until we kill our souls. The demons that we must live with comes along the path of recovery, and they can be just as painful as the addiction. It wasn't that we didn't love our children or spouse we just fill up with self regret and covered it up with the our drug of choice. The people we affected the most we think will come running back , happy for you and resume life with you again. ( not always ) they are scared, not wanting to go back to that life, hurt, and pain, they are crushed and life has been sucked out of them. The addict is not the only one that needs recovery.  So being in our own heads sometimes isn't good, sometimes it is really hard to seperate fiction from truth, but it does come back in time. One of the hardest things to do is ask someone (What did I do under My Addiction ) alot of people can't understand not remembering ( BLACKOUTS ) as we know them.  Time is a healer, Patiences is a gift.  To all that endored the affects of a addict remember Pain turns into Anger, Anger turns into your own addiction.

                                                                                              Gail W

Being in your own Head bad place to go?

Is being in your own head a bad place to go? Well when you are under a addiction alot of times that is the only place you are at. ( Nothing else madders ) not for the sake of not loving your family or loved ones only for the fact that you have limited space at the time ( You don't think ) everything is normal to you. But in reality things are totally out of control. In the mist of a addiction you do cry out for help but in a different way. It's called anger, hate, self-pity, denial. We lash out at the people we love the most because we trust they will be there to take it. Getting sober your mind is a good and bad place if only you can seperate the lies we have told ourselves and the truth of things that we did do. Most of the time we hurt the people we love the most at not expense but thats our way we have no expense the sky is the limit until we fall.... cont..