life after surrender

You come to a point, when things start making sense instead of just being scrambled in your head. You start thinking a little clearer.When I got to the point of surrender to alcohol and it's torturing affect on the people that had to live with it and loved me, there is a clear window. Almost like clouds lifting with a ray of shine coming threw. To ignore problems and pretend they aren't happening was a great plus to living the life of a Alcoholic, I would just tell everyone I'am sorry and just tell myself it wasn't that bad when in reality it was tranquilising. To think God had abandoned me to find out I was the one who abandoned everyone, but my disease. It takes alot of steps to even get to the first step of recovery, to realize you now are going to HAVE to live a totally different way of life. A meaningfull and productive life. I'am not saying I didn't mean things that I did say in my addiction. I did Love My Husband and Children with all my heart but I just heart people around me because as I know now I was stuck in Hell. When I came to believe that God never left me I left him was heart breaking. But God and my Family has always been there for me and now the picture is getting clearer. I always said when I was younger That if you truely Love something set it free if it comes back to you it was yours all along if not, it was just a lesson learned. When you have feelings that you haven't felt in so long it takes time to take control of them, at first they all race out like do everything at once, but that just confusses people and scares them away. Everything takes time, and time I have,  To use it wisely and in a good way. I love my Children they are a blessing from God, And so was my Husband, God has a plan the master plan I'am just here for the ride, ( The ride of a life time )  Till next time God Bless and Love to all Gail