Well, I'am coming up on 90 days sober. I never thought this time last year I would be able to do it. But I guess this time I really wanted it. The holidays are right around the corner, I guess I always prayed to be sober with my family. ( Husband and children) I still never gave up the hope and prayers everyday that it will work out someday. Tonight was one of those nights I went to the meeting and all I could think of was holding my husband while he was sleeping or just being close to him again. I really try to keep busy and move on, but my love lies in certain areas. I really wish that I could share my sober life with my husband. The kids will grow up and move on but I really messed up my life when I stopped thinking and kept drinking. I was like a twister in peoples lives, destroyer mode. I pray to God everyday for forgiveness. I'am kinda stuck sometimes I don't know what to pray for or do, so I pray for other people. Christmas is a time for thanking and giving. I would love to give my Love 110% but it's not wanted. I did learn alot from being sober and one thing I remember everyday is that You don't know what tomarro will bring. I would love just to go far away and start a whole new life. A sober beginning. I just have to keep prayers close to heart and always look out for the new comer that needs help. I really miss my husband and the family we had even thou it had it problems there was love under it all. Maybe someday I will deserve the chance to be happy and Loved that way again, ( unconditional) I pray for my son anthony he misses his only dad he really had, and now has to live somewheres that he hates. I miss my younger son with his smiles and dry jokes he looks like a angle when he sleeps, and I miss the warm heart and hands of the man I love, and my daughters funny faces that she makes. These are all parts of me that have been deleted by the partying and misuse of my life. These are parts of me that are empty that I pray for God to fill. I'll keep the faith . Thats something I would never lose. Till Later Gail
