Tis the season::

Tis the season!!  Boy I don't know what is wrong with me, I've been a bitch of bitches. I've been so depressed and don't know why. Maybe it's this time of year, my ex-husband and youngest son haunt my dreams it is crazy. I would have been married going on 20 years but we broke up due to my walking out and drinking at the time.We haven't been together in 4 years but it still feels like I morn him and my past marriage. He is re-married but i don't believe he is happy he did it on the rebound. now I'm planning on getting married and I'm scared to death thinking what if ? Is this the right thing to do or the right time? I'm full of fear which in turn makes me unbearable. I'm trying to snap out of it but my fairy tale wedding is turning into a stormy day already. I'm just stuck. I've been shopping my blues away NOT GOOD I'll need another 12 step program soon lol.Well it feels good just to get this out I just have to snap out of it. Happy Holidays to everyone and KEEP IN GOOD HEALTH.. lOVE YOU ALL GAIL the jersey shore girl... thats another thing the beach is freezing 

sleep or no sleep

Well it is another night and no sleep. I haven't slept at night in so long I forget what it was like. I have this sleep problem and I've tried everything but I just can't sleep. Ever sense I've gotten sober I have been up every other hour and now I just don't sleep.  My doctor has tried everything in the past and nothing works and I've tried everything over the counter and nothing works I get so crazy even my ferrets and cat are sleeping (not me) well I'm going to try to read a little and see what happens.. Till later Gail

memory lane

Well lately like always it is hard to sleep, I've tried everything, everything but a 4th step.. I've tried in the pass months to sit and write but my life seems to jump from one life to another. So many things I forget and then I have stupid dreams and it all comes to me that part of my life. My life seems like a jig saw puzzle sometimes and some of the pieces just don't fit. I decided to just write a personal book of my life and share it with my sponsor someday if I ever get it all together. I see other people that say a 4th step cleared there passageway and they could think more clearer. I still resent the fact that my ex-husband and I can't be friends he just won't talk to me. All those years to be with someone even thou he remarried I just don't seem to understand that he now has another person controlling him. He settled down with what he let go. He married a women with three kids and dominate I had two kids and dominate and both us women drank I don't anymore but they do. It just puzzles me. The closer I get to getting married the more these feelings come up and it is so unfair to Rob he has been great . I've been a bitch and I don't mean too that is just not me.  I go hot and cold I think I'm afraid of marriage the thought of failing just old haunts.  I have to get it together and people outside the program just don't understand, I don't want kids at my wedding and my family is upset over that but this place is just not the place for kids and there is only 50 people max.. limit,  Then I have heard from some that why do it again you already had your wedding days, its not like your having kids or anything, and then i also heard that being married on the beach doesn't even count because it's not in a church.. It is all so frustrating.  I have to write about this  stuff to get it out and hopefully  God will send me a answer.  If not a answer on how to handle this a answer on letting go resentments. Well until next time I will keep moving ahead One Day At A Time... Love the jersey shore girl. Gail

Season changes so do I.

Well it's getting to be that time of year. IT IS COLD burrrrrrrrrr....  We in Nj get teased one day it is 70 and tonite it is 20.*  It is my slow time of the year now and year round work that I have keeps me going until April,,, this time of year i get depressed but then I sit back and think how lucky I am today. I have to remember to be graitful for everything I have and do. My daughter is so into the wedding plans it is funny, she has me booked up with every vender down to the hour this coming tuesday. She is a trip. I love her. Robs kids are happy too and all working on saving money for there trip from fla. to come to the wedding in april. Wehave a confirmed date. April 15 th (tax day hahaa) at 430 pm on the beach at the cape may point Iam just taking it day to day because I can get myself crazy in a min... if I look to far ahead. I'm trying not to worry about money so much that is what I do best in the winter but it just gets me crazy. I'm trying to just remember that God will take care of us and lead us to where we are to be. I do get stressed I even thought of going back to work at the hospital but with all the crap that goes on I don't know I miss the patiences and working with the sick but I don't miss all the upper manger crap. Well I guess the best thing to do right now is just be gratiful that I have choices today and I'm sober and can act on them.. Well God Bless until next time KEEP WARM  Love Gail ( jersey shore girl/

winter is coming

Some preview of future plans....

Well today my daughter and I went to cape may point to see about the wedding plans. Nick & Rob where into it too. We went and looked at the reception place ( Union Hall) built in 1914 it is unbelievable. Well we all agreeded on the reception April 16th (sunday) 2007. The plans so far are Susan my maid of honor and I will be picked up at the homestead and take a horse and carriage about 3/4 a mile down beach blv.. to sunset beach it is a location that is three sided by ocean with the capemay lighthouse in the distance , and when we arrive she will walk me up on the beach to Rob ( a friend of ours is going to play the violin during the beach walk and then she will hand me off to Rob ) white chairs lined on the beach beach sand runner to the rocks that are surround by ocean. After the cermony Rob & I will take the horse and carriage back to the historic resort and have the reception we are holding ten rooms and one bridal suite that is located on the three story over looking the ocean the next morning we are having a wedding breakfast and a Beach meeting have to included soberity wouldn't have been able to plan all this without it. Then Rob & I hopefully are going away for four days or so.. I pray everything goes right Gods will. what a fairy tale but reality...  These pictures where taken today before we over loaded on Food and passed out back at our house...  What a dream the only difference is it is coming true...   Love you all God Bless Gail jersey shore girl..