THE EMOTION OF the WORD NO !

IT'S BEEN SO LONG

It has been so long sense I wrote. Everday I say today is the day and it passes. Allot has changed.  I've had allot of happy times and very sad. That is life and had them Sober. I celebrated 11 years on Oct. 1st. {I feel so guilty I haven't even shared it with my group or recieved my coin. This year with the cleaning business it  took a great tolland went very fast. With the South Jersey Shore being restored 85% tourist came in and put families of lARGE sizes in these already big places in Stone Harbor. June was a wash because the kids had school late due to snow, and I had too many workers I have to learn to limit my workers sometimes. I get out and work just as hard as two of them something is wrong with that picture.My relationship well it is what it is,, still have that empty spot in my soul not always. My son is not doing good.. It took me 8 years of enabling to now I had him arrested Nov. 3rd.  I feel horrible I love my Son but with the heroine and being Bi-Polar (untreated) my Grandkids and Daughter in Law comes first. I pray everyday my Son has a normal life someday he just turned 27 old to him young to me. Work has slowed down now,, I don't see the light of day from May-Oct.. Well I hope everyone out there is well, Enjoy the Holidays coming up. Stay Sober just for today.


Love the Jersey Shore Girl,, Gail

What a year can do.. I love the babies. I prayer everynite for a healthy & peace  please. My son is not good and the worst is to see the progression.. "I'm helpless".. Britt the kids mom is trying everything, because she worked a total of 6 hours at Old Navy for the clothing discounts,, Social Serves took ALL her food stamps away,, She has her the two babies 4yrs. and 5 months and a grandma grand pop ((great)) watching the kids working double shift's just to feed everyone,, @ 8.25 a hour// My son well he is a addict and I have ran out of options , Just the feeling of getting that phone call one night is just sickening .

May God share his miracles..

Love Jersey Shore Girl,,,, Gail

Where did the time go.. Wish I could turm it back.

 

10 to 1

Well it has been awhile sense I wrote, again getting away from what I should do to get the stuff and experiences out of my head. What a year can't believe it is almost a start of a new one. This year has been up and down :Thank God I'm sober". I'm faced with a addict son that tears my heart. I worry but I have to remember and have faith that God didn't bring me this far and thru so many experiences to break me down.  I pray for him always he is 26 and a father of two most blessed children, they are gifts to me, I love my grandkids with so much that it brings love to a different level. My daughter in Law God bless her but she also enables and with a program in me I know that is none of my business, BUT I do speak up at times. She's a good Mom. I feel my life is at a standstill right now, really not knowing what direction is next. I'll just have to follow the path that is laid out before me & trust it. Any insight would love options. Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year.

With love always, Jersey Shore Girl.

Gail

October " A feeling"

 

On Oct. 1st, I celebrated via. Phone internet. Every time I want to go get my coin on a Friday Night Avalon either I had to work late or something happened. Now all excited about tomorrow night and my Uncle dies? What the heck. There's a very special lady named Ginger that has my 10yr coin. Can't wait to God gives me a break. don't think I'm going to pray for patients anymore, lol.. I find myself paralyzed with the feeling something is going to happen to my son. No one will sentence him, commit him or save him,,,, Only God and him, I'm watching in time, him die it kills me it took me six years to say NO and mean it, He now has my Grand Daughter my angle joy and a two month boy named Anthony. The hardest part is I don't want to face that my  son is going to die if he doesn't stop using,, The worst part, I CAN"T DO ANYTHING FOR HIM NOW,, HE HAS TO TAKE HIS OWN JOURNEY,,I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART BUT I DONT LIKE HIM((  I pray. life goes on after 10 years just now you realize some of your problems, Just to find out more later,, Love it.. Please keep Anthony my son in your prayers to spare him from this addict life,,amen

Thank You
Love Too All "The Jersey Shore Girl" xxlloo



Harvest Moon 2013 Shot By: Gail Schlue Stone Harbor, NJ

The loves of my life.. My grand Babies>

2013 can't believe it!

Well Oct. 1st I celebrated 10 years without a drink. I'm thinking back on all the changes. I have two grandchildren now relations have changed/ Some grew together some apart. My Mom passed away and I was sober to take care of her the last 8 days from when she was released from the hospital. Years ago OMG I would have drank for a month and still because of that alone. Poor Me! Pour me a drink. Thank God I haven't in 10 years and the desire is gone. I always have to remember where I came from, Where I'm at & how did I get here!
I don't know what lays ahead for me but God has a plan,, I didn't believe that for a while, but let me tell you (for me).. I know and have felt the presents of God all the time or just out of the blue. and I just Thank Him for today.
I hope to start writing again, I started this in 2003 my book is getting full, lol.. But I read how it was and how it is now and boy it's amazing.

I love yeah,, Jersey Shore Girl..xxoo

2012

Well another Year has come and Gone!  I went from Reeds Beach, NJ to Capemay Courthouse. My Granddaughter turned three. and in Oct. it was 9 years for me. :}} Some things in my life need some looking at that I haven't made priority yet, but are going on my to do list. I was able to watch my youngest Son and Future daughter-in-Law run the 26.8 Marathon in Philadelphia this year with my Daughter. That was amazing. I also did the "Light of the Night" in Delaware "Cancer Walk". in honor of my Mother.
My ex-husband has battled for a longtime now and is Cancer Free. God willing. We moved to cape may Courthouse right before Sandy Hit. And Thank God we lost 8 out of ten homes. My Children are amazing and there spouses. My Middle Son still is struggling at times. I pray for him everyday.  It's funny I work Hard, have a place to live and luxury that comes along with that. But there always feel like a piece of  My puzzle is missing?

My Grandaughter is amazing , Words can't explain.

Well 2013 come on. Lets see what I can do this year. :{}:
Jersey Shore Girl, Gail

The Mirrow Effect.

2012

Calm Before Sunshine

Well it;s been awhile sense I've posted. Again so much has changed. On Oct. 1st I celebrated 9 years without a drink :amazing". I we are now getting ready doe Hurricane Sandy. NJ shore possible hit.
God Grant Me The Serenity to be stuck in for a couple of days. My Daughter and I leave for a cruise next Sat. Boy she really timed that one Great. Allot has changed in my lfe but at the same time still feels the same, if that makes any sense. I'm hoping to Journal when I go away next Week, My Mom said a couple of years ago, " When both my daughter are 50 we will all go on a cruise together" My Sister and I are  Gemini Twins "same age for about three weeks out of the year". I turned 50 in June she will be 50 May 22 2013. But anyway. My Mom passed away " It was fast and I just can't put words to it". It was a year April 2012 we buried her. Well in June on my Birthday my Daughter came over she cooked Dinner, and also Surpized me with a cruise and set it all up My two sisiter's and my Daughter all leave next Sat the 3rd.. Amazing. Good things are happening someone reminded me tonite. To just get out of the way and let it happen.
Great Advice, Till Later South Jersey Shore Girl. Galewinds

New Season:

Well again I haven't wrote in so long. So much going on. It has been a year sense my Mom has passed and what a year. It still feels like groundhog day. lol The over and over bit. My Granddaughter will be 3 in Aug. she is amazing. My Son her father will be 25 in May, he is in Rehab right now. He just can't get it ,,, Drugs .. This is the first time he has stayed and wanted the program Pray he will have some kind of Spiritual change this time. He is going to Die, It was getting close this time. My Ex-Husband which still remains a Friend of mine is going thought his Battle again with Health issues.. I pray for so many people lol.. I have to go to bed a half hour early lol...
I will be 50 in June and for the first time I can say I feel it. This has been a hard winter and anyone who lives in a resort area knows you work your ass off in The Summer to make it though the Winter. Spring has sprung time to catch up. I cook at a restaurant PT on the off season, soon it will be coming to a end. I get busy soon. I'm trying to promise myself that this Summer no matter how busy I get "I MUST MAKE IT TO THE BEACH" :}}}.
Truely Yours, Jersey Shore Girl- Gail

What Now!!!!!!

Looking back on 2011, man what a year. So many changes and hurtful sad times. I lost my Mom this past year and opened a whole new area of emotions that I really don't know how to deal with. Relationships should that even be in my future???????  I'm in a relationship now it started off with Joy Love and confusion but it is turning into just a repeat of my own doing.  I just may be alone???? I have no friends to hang with or even talk to these days, I don't know when the last time I was truly happy with all in my life. I can't explain others stuff but I know when it affects my emotions then what??? I don't know how I managed to stay sober for over eight years it's amazing, I just want to be happy,,,, on the same page with that special someone. I feel out of link.. I pray for other people maybe I should start praying for myself. Looking back into this journal that is over 8 years old "Man " when is life going to be happy again????


I feel sick, tired, and out of air!!!!!!  Please Please Please make 2012 the year for healing or growth that's all I pray for.

Until Later,,, Jersey Shore Girl.. Love yeah.

Aug, 22

Happy 70th BD Dad RIP..  Died when he was 44.... Drinker,smoker,sad to young.

Changes (Forever or Not)

I don't know what is going on with me. I have a flood feelings and emotions but don't know how to get a handle on them. Life is trying yes "BUT" why is it so hard? I feel for so many people but have a hard time feeling for myself. I try it is exhausting, I'll have plans wonderful fantasies of how I want my day to be, or end up and in my mind I try so hard to relax and let go that I'm exhausted. Memories of caring for my Mom haunts me at time and I think my way thur it. One of the blessing I have is I don't want to drink. I have worked alone, stayed alone, and  find myself just being so peaceful but lost at the same time. ( Does that make sense?) I pray for God to help me identify myself . I have Love, Trust,  Respect in my life I just want to be able to return those feelings, the way I dream of in my head. I'm I going crazy or is this just another process of loss?
Opinions Welcomed.....
Till Later with Love, Light & Joy, Jersey Shore Girl.....

2011 "The End of the Beginning"

It has been along time sense I written. So much has changed in my life. Amazing I'm still Sober but yes,,,,,,,,,,, I'm blessed to have stayed sober for 7 1/2 years now.

Today if I'm nothing else I'm grateful for each breath, sight and heart beat I get to feel and see.

In the course of this year, from my last post, I'm still in a relationship with a wonderful caring person. Last Summer my Mom was getting checked because she felt so worn down she was a RN retired but still worked traveling nurse and Loved it. End of last Summer she found out that she had Cancer that was located in the liver but it was a form of Bladder Cancer. She started her treatments and it worked great for three months. Then she went on another she just would hold her head up even when she felt like shit. I come from a family that my Two sisters that live next to Mom are teachers, They went back to school and Mom got sicker. I blocked off Mondays for work because that was my Moms Chemo days.... Then Mondays became Mon, Wed, Fri... then hospital then so on. I became my Moms care taker.... She trusted me for strength,  Honesty, She  was amazing..........  she was only 67 . My Mom is a big part of my recovery.. Moms never give up.  It was a Very bad winter and I didn't work with my business we lost allot but gained at the same time. I had my car repoed, bills backed up to the extreme but Bruce sold his personal stuff and we did what we had to do. I couldn't have done it alone.  My son, daughter in law  and granddaughter still live at her grandmothers God bless her.  Losing my last parent has such a weird feeling like "orphaned" fear. Today is 30 days my Mom has been passed, She passed away March 26th. She found out on March 17th there was nothing else to do. I asked her, Do you want to go Home? She said yes, the next day the room was ready, hospice "they are a savior" my Mom died 8 days later,, first three days home she was still communicating, and then just settling. The 12 hours before she died the nurse and I where cleaning My Mom up and thank God for the Hospital experience I have from working at SMH I was able to help. When we turned my Mom her eyes where as yellow as a egg,,,, When she passed she opened her eyes and smiled. Her eyes where as clear as clear could be. Thats God!!!!!!   I miss her so much.. If I had to do it all over again . I would be honored. I lost but gained so much more. God please give my Mom a kiss for me, TU


Till later, gailwindsnj1 the jersey shore girl